Just Remember. . .

Curiosity didn't kill the cat. The charred chicken in the trash barrel did.

2005: A Year In Review

If your name is Sydney Bristow, there's no reason to get romantically involved with anyone. They just die tragic deaths and then, you're all alone.

All work and no play makes me a very cranky person. Alternatively, more play and not enough work makes me have lackluster grades and in turn, makes me a very cranky person.

The heart can actually be broken. And it doesn't take some outside force to do the breaking business. The heart can be shattered by its owner, just as easily as it can be broken by someone else.

Tropical storms are not limited to coastal areas. They can travel inland as far as they'd like to travel. They'll do whatever they like, thank you very much.

School sucks. It sucks time. It sucks money. And contrary to what you might think when your parents tell you this, money does not grow on trees.

One should not always listen to their brain. The brain is often selfish, thinking only of himself. This is why the brain and the heart sometimes do not see eye to eye. If your heart is telling you one thing, but your brain is telling you another, listen to your heart. The brain has ulterior motives.

Don't overthink things. The simplest explanation is often the right one. Ockham's Razor or whatnot.

Blogs can be a major waste of time. I've accumulated over 150 posts this year.

That Junk In Your Badonkadonk

The country radio airwaves are being bombarded with a little song known as Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk. For whatever reason, a fellow by the name of Trace Adkins decided that he should write up this little ditty and sing it to the world.

Thanks, Trace. You're a real pal.

This song is so horrible. Why is this song so horrible? Let me count the ways....

1. It's called Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk!! Badonkadonk is not a word. I realize that it is often used in Rap and Hip/Hop music, but that does not make it a word. I'm tired of all these new songs with titles of nonsense! What is this? Alice in freakin' Wonderland??

That honkey tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong

2. Got it goin' on / Like Donkey Kong??? Excuse me, but what the hell? When did Donkey Kong ever have it going on? I mean, really? I was never all that thrilled with Donkey Kong. I don't think Donkey Kong has anything going on. You don't see his face plastered all over tabloids. You don't know every move he's making in the world. You don't know the last 25 things he's eaten this year.

Is he saying that her ass is as large as a gorilla's? Because if that's the case, someone needs to slap him. If someone came up to me and told me I had the ass of a cartoon gorilla, I think I'd be offended. No, I would totally be insulted. And then, I would dropkick that someone into the next millenia.

And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma

3. Slap your grandma?? Excuse me, but what the hell (again)? There's no reason to be slapping anyone's grandma. Just because you saw some gorilla-sized ass on some girl does not give you the right to go around slapping little old ladies. That's just rude and unnecessary. I don't even understand why he had to include that line in the song.

I don't understand why stupid songs have to be played repeatedly on the radio. Or why there's a commercial after every single song. It's ridiculous. Ludicrous. Absolutely horrendous.

I need a freakin' satellite radio. Oh, Santa... ? ?

Merry Crossmas?

Why do some people insist on shortening Merry Christmas to Merry Xmas?

It really doesn't make sense to shorten Christmas to Xmas. Generally, when you see X used as some form of abbreviation, it's used in road signs. You know... signs that read Deer Crossing, Railroad Crossing, or any other signs that deal with something Crossing are usually shown as Deer Xing, Railroad Xing, or Blah-blah-blah Xing.

One would deduce that X would stand for Cross. Therefore, Merry Xmas would actually be Merry Crossmas.

And yes, I do realize that using X on road signs is more efficient, from an economic standpoint. But with Christmas? I don't think X has any business being in the same vicinity as Christ.

Anyway, instead of writing out the name Jesus or Christ in The Bible, it would make more sense (and save more ink!) to simply substitute His name with an X. The shortest verse in The Bible would be even shorter.

Instead of "Jesus wept," the verse would read "X wept."

I Hate....

I hate the Black Eyed Peas.

Not the vegetable, which I very much enjoy. But I hate the musical group with the fiery passion of ten thousand suns. I really believe that the group should burn in Hell for creating a song like My Humps.

My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.....

It is the most ridiculous song, tied for first place with Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl, which, by the way, I still do not understand. What is a "Hollaback Girl" ?? And why must there be a song about not being one?

Anyhow. I can't even begin to fully explain my absolute hatred of the Black Eyed Peas. Who writes a song with lyrics like that? There's little kids around the world singing those awful lyrics. Half of these children don't even know what they're singing! It's a disgrace.

It's just horrendous.

* * *

I hate those crinkled-wrinkled clothes that are "in" at the moment. Ever heard of an iron, people??

Why would anyone pay for clothing that is already wrinkled? I don't understand it. I also don't understand how people can spend money on jeans and other clothing that look as though they've been worn a million times when, in fact, they're brand spanking new! It's ludicrous.

I mean, if I wanted to wear a wrinkled shirt, I'd take a page out of my sister's book. She throws all of her clothes on the floor of her bedroom (yes, all of them -- she does not discriminate). Then, she walks over them for several days until she decides to wear one of the haphazardly thrown articles of clothing. She puts on the clothing... and voila! Wrinkled, crinkled, and fashionably messy without paying the extra money for already wrinkled clothing.

The Horror of Finals

Just finished my first final of the semester. Most likely, I just failed my first final of the semester.

This was mostly due to the fact that I didn't study the diagrams over consonants and vowels. I do not know why I did not study them. But even if I had studied them, I still don't think I would have remembered everything on the diagrams. They were pretty info-packed diagrams.

This week is the perfect ending to the worst semester of my college career. Yippee freakin' skippy hooray.

Susie Got Ran Over By A Big Deer....

The tragic day has finally come to pass.

I was in a car that was run over by a deer.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're probably saying to yourself, "Oh, this loser hit a deer. Wah wah wah, move on with your life already."

And you'd be right. IF I had hit the deer.

But I didn't. The vehicle I was riding in was stopped. And the deer of gigantic proportions bounded out of nowhere and ran smack into us. And a small, not-moving vehicle named Susie was horrifically scarred for life on Saturday night.

Darn deer left a nasty indention and cracked Susie's glasses. And then, he ran off without so much as a "Hey, I'm sorry I just galloped into you for no apparent reason!" Or a "I'm sorry you'll have to get reconstructive surgery because I was bounding home intoxicated."

It was very rude. And unnecessary.

And I'm sure this deer is out there in the forest somewhere, telling all his deer friends how some car came out of the wild blue yonder and nearly knocked him over. They're probably calculating their next move, strategizing some plan of vigilante forest justice.

Well, listen here, Mr. Deer & Co., there will be none of that business. You should be thankful that Susie wasn't armed that night. You should be thankful that you're not mounted on someone's wall. You should be thankful that you're not jerky.

So there.

Free Sex!

There are several signs around my dorm proclaiming "Free Sex!"

They also have a date and time listed.

There are two things that come to mind.
A ----- What a way to advertise! I'm sure that sign will catch everyone's attention.
B ----- These people are frauds! This is false advertisement. There's no way they can legally give out free sex at a dorm activity. It's ludicrous and false advertising all the way and someone should be sued!

Just sayin'.

Sneaky Ranting

It's nearly midnight. I should be studying for the two exams I have tomorrow.

But no. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I am blogging.

I am so tired of studying! I am so unprepared for tomorrow's exams. My eyes want to fall out of my head and my brain wishes to explode.

I just wish things weren't so messy. And I also wish that I could sleep for a good long while.

Two more weeks of school. One week of finals. I expect to lose my mind within the coming three weeks. Of course, you can't necessarily lose what you never had....

* * *

I am seriously getting tired of bad things happening to good people. I don't know if November is just the worst freakin' month of the year or what, but geez. I'm tired of this business. It's not fair and it's unnecessary. It's also rude.

I'm also tired of cell phones. I'm about to give up on the damn things altogether. They're worthless and time-sucking and irritating and annoying and ..... and....

* * *

November has totally sucked. One good thing has come out of November. Okay, maybe two, but that's pushing it. Do you hear me, November? You're stupid and I don't like you at all. Go away, please. In fact, I take back the "please".... just go away!

* * *

This semester, I have completely read one of my textbooks. This is the first time in all my years of schooling that I have read the entire textbook. All 555 pages have been read, re-read, and read again by me.

And I'm still lost. Why can't one sleep on their textbooks and have their brains seep up the knowledge? Sounds like a good plan to me.

Weird-ocity

Weird things have continued to multiply and show themselves this past weekend.

On Saturday, I visited a movie theater with Sir. A lady behind us dropped the lid and straw to her cup. Then, she asks Sir to check under his seat for the missing lid and straw. Totally disgusting! If you lose something to the floor of a movie theater, you do NOT go back for it, especially if it's something you can easily replace! And if you can't replace it, then the item must be sent to an autoclave or washed in some sterilizing agent.

Thank God that the missing lid and straw were not found. If she had found them and put the straw back into her cup and in her mouth, I would have been seriously ill.

Also, at the movie theater, a woman sat down beside me. Apparently, this woman hasn't been to a movie theater in years, because she turns to me and says, "This place is pretty cool. I'm really excited." Or something to that effect. Anyway, seeing as how it was my first time to visit that particular movie theater, I just kind of smiled and nodded at her.

After visiting the movie theater, Sir and I went to the Olive Garden, where we had to wait outside for a little while. While we were waiting, we saw a woman come out of the restaurant with a doctor's mask on her face. A surgical mask! I guess she was trying to keep herself from getting sick. But all I could think was either A) This woman has SARS! or B) This woman is a follower of Michael Jackson.

Anyway, Saturday was a weird day. I didn't think I could see anything weirder this weekend. But I was wrong.

On Sunday, while eating at McDonald's, a young female adult came waltzing in dressed in ripped black tights and a ripped black dress. She had fake blood splattered all over her clothing. Her face and hands were painted a pale white and were also covered with blood. Her eyes were covered by those white contacts, which made it look like she didn't have any eyes at all.

She was just hanging out, having a Quarter Pounder with Cheese at McDonald's on a Sunday. She just happened to be dressed like an I don't know what. She frightened me! I was frightened and in need of my Mommy!

Later that day, while leaving Wal-Mart, some dirty teenage male person decided he wanted to talk to me. He was yelling at me to come over to him, like I was a pet or something. I was hoping he was yelling at my friend and not me, for he gave me the heebie-jeebies.

But no. She assures me that he was talking to me. However, I'm going to keep telling myself that he was actually yelling at her and pray that I never see this person again.

The Weirdlings are out in full force. Be safe!

FedUp With A Lot of Things

You know what? FedEx sucks. Don't send anything via FedEx.

I ordered a new cell phone a week and a half ago. The seller shipped it the day after I bought it. It arrived in a city just 45 minutes from me two days later. And it sat there in a FedEx facility because the dummies at FedEx couldn't find me. They couldn't find the city I live in. They couldn't find a city of over 30,000 people.

It's not a city tucked away somewhere. It's not down fifty side roads and a back road or two. It's a city right on the frickin' interstate. UPS, DHL, and Airborne Express have all been able to find me on numerous occasions. But to FedEx, I don't exist.

FedEx sent my phone back to the shipper because they couldn't find me. I asked around and found that other people in that area have had similar problems with FedEx.

So, lesson learned. FedEx is not the best way to send your parcels.

* * *
I don't listen to country music all the time. I do have my favorite country artists and all, but I don't listen to it all the time. If I have to hear the latest song by Trace Adkins one more time, I'm going to shoot myself in the foot. Honky Tonk BaDonkyDonk or whatever is called is the most idiotic song since the Black Eyed Peas song, My Humps. It's horrible. It's right up there with Hollaback Girl.

Absolutely awful. There should be some law demanding that idiotic songs can not be played on the radio.

If the Moon Was Out, It'd Be Full

If the Moon was out last night, it'd totally have been full. Weird things were popping up everywhere.

Take Wal-Mart, for example. As Natty and I passed by the music section, we were treated to the vocal talents of a seven-year-old girl belting out Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl. I still haven't figured out exactly what a "hollaback girl" is, but this darling child seemed to know what it was all about. The child had been listening to a music preview of Gwen's latest album when she was overtaken by the music. She opened her little mouth and let the nonsense lyrics fly out and land where they may.

Apparently, the child was not aware that everyone could hear her as she sang at the top of her lungs. It's like people picking their noses while in their cars at a stoplight. For some reason, no one realizes that they can be seen by the whole damn universe!

Also, in the Wal-Mart, Natty and I were followed by the blue-haired Cape Crusader. Yes.... followed by a young adult with blue hair wearing a cape. This youngling was not quite as frightening as the Cape Boy I have to sit next to in Religions class. But the sight of this blue-haired individual was thoroughly unnerving. He proceeded to follow us down several aisles, which made me wish I had a panic button like the kids get on Commander-In-Chief.

But alas, I am just a normal individual and not the child of the leader of the free world. Woe is me.

After our Wal-Mart outing, we drove through town. Terrible mistake. Every young adult imaginable had to be out there. Mass congregations of teenlings around clumps of vehicles had invaded various parking lots. Every child from the age of 12-19 had to have been out there! There were so many of them! I can't even begin to make an estimate of how many teenlings were out last night. A whole freakin' lot of them, that's for sure.

And just where were the parents of these heathen children?

Crisis Averted and Other Randomness

Major has been figured out. I will no longer feel the need to fling myself off the nearest cliff. Although, I did think of some interesting ways in which to fling myself off of said cliff. Oh, well. Another day, I suppose.

My cell phone has been acting totally screwy. It is not polite to act in the manner in which it has been acting. Not polite at all! I've been searching for a replacement phone, but to no avail. Damn the Man!

In my store, a guy walked in with his girl. She bought him a drink and was rewarded with a kiss.
That display was nearly rewarded with my projectile vomiting. People should realize that my acid reflux is acting up and I can't keep things down.

Hiccups keep bubbling out of me. It's annoying and painful. I'm tired of the hiccups. I feel like I'm under attack or something. Having the hiccups all the time is really unattractive.

Last night's Boston Legal dealt with the problem of beastiality ruining marriages. Well, I guess the marriage wasn't really ruined. The character "broke it off" with Wendy, his bovine lover. And his wife took him back because he promised to sell Wendy. But still. I just can't fathom having a cow lover. The wife caught him making love to their cow! A cow! The logistics of the whole idea .... I cannot comprehend.

Things to Do

1. Try to track down some advisory figure that knows why the hell my degree is so screwed up. Only one class required for my degree is being offered next semester.

2. Write a document bequeathing all of my personal effects and assets to the people I deem important.

3. Think of creative and exciting ways to jump off the nearest cliff.

4. Actually jump off the nearest cliff.

"I'll Never Let Go, Jack. I'll Never Let Go."

I live in a five story building. About 1 a.m. earlier today, I was treated to a loud beating upon my door, and a voice yelling that I had to get up because we had to evacuate the building.

What? Was my suitemate for real? I mean, there weren't any sirens going off or anything. Did she just think it would be funny to wake me from a deep sleep and tell me to get the heck out of dodge? 'Cause if she thinks that waking me up would be funny, she's got another thing coming.

I jump out of bed and fling open the door.

"You have to get up. The building is flooding. We have to go now!"

So, probably as confused as I have ever been in my life, I shove my feet into some flip-flops and wrap my jacket around me. I grab my purse and my laptop. I follow my suitemate out of our suite.

And that's when I hear it. The sound of rushing water... rushing somewhere. There's someone beating on the other side of the exit door to the secret stairs. I open the door to find a few guys trying to escape the flood.

We follow the guys to the next set of stairs. The sound of water is much louder by these stairs than by the first set. Some of the guys tear down the stairs. And they quickly come back up.

"Find another way out. Unless you're wanting to swim, try the other stairs."

Where are we? On the damn Titanic?

So, we pass by the elevators and head to the next (and final) set of stairs. We rush down them. Thankfully, they have not filled with water. We exit the building. And we have no idea what to do. We can't go back in. The bottom two floors are full of water. The elevators have turned into a waterfall! Water is streaming down the stairs, through the ceiling, and is making gigantic puddles on the first floor of my residence hall.

I walk to my truck and decide I'm going to Nat's house. I am freaking out because my home is filling up with water and I remember that I didn't take Bradley's laptop with me! How stupid of me! I should have thought to grab her laptop before I made my escape.

Anyway. I venture back to my flooded building later today to see what the damage is. The first and second floors are still drying out. The drying out process will probably take a few days. This place reeks of wet dog. The elevators are out of commission until further notice. That's fine, because I rarely take the elevators. But I do feel bad for those that live on the fifth floor and will be taking the stairs indefinitely. How long does it take two elevator shafts to dry out after being waterfalls? I imagine all the circuitry will have to be replaced. Or not. I don't know.

As it turns out, the guys of the second floor were indulging themselves in a little game of midnight football. One of the darling yahoos threw the ball and broke off a sprinkler head. Since they won't rat each other out, all the kids of the second floor are being held responsible for the time being. Or so I've been told.

I really wish that their parents had taught them that it is not polite to play football in doors.

"You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'...."

This girl drives by me today, belting out this song. She has her stereo turned way up and she's rockin' out to You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin' as she drives through campus.

Anyway, Anonymous-Singer-Girl is my hero for the day. She pulled a me. Of course, my song of choice lately is either Build Me Up, Buttercup or Love Is A Battlefield, but still. She rocks. I'd like to shake her hand.

So, I've been very aggravated as of late. I know, I know.... when am I not aggravated at something or someone? But seriously, this is getting crazy.

There's a post in the future that will be very rant-y and very anti-Black Eyed Peas.

You have been warned.

YAY!

Congratulations, Natty-Batty-Ladybug-Bungalow-Builder!!

I am so very proud of you! I knew you could do it! You're my hero!

When Squirrels Attack

So, today, I was walking to my Government class. I was just walking along, looking at the early morning around me. All of a sudden, I feel this sharp pain on my left shoulder. It felt as though someone had hit me with something!

I looked at the ground and saw the offensive object: an acorn!

I knew there was no one behind me. So, immediately, I glance up at the massive tree beside me. And there, on a branch halfway up the tree, sits a squirrel. He stares at me, laughter dancing in his beady little eyes.

And that's when I realized. I had been hit by a squirrel. A damn squirrel threw an acorn at me!

A squirrel!

Now, I know that it sounds completely insane. But I'm here to tell you, squirrels on college campuses are mean. MEAN! I've seen them attack humans on more than one occasion.

But most people think of squirrels as being cute and cuddly. That's exactly what they want you to think! You believe them to be merry little acorn gatherers. In reality, they're gearing up for the War of the Species: Squirrel vs. Man!

The US government needs to waste some money looking into stopping that nonsense.

Burning Bridges

I believe that my all-time favorite song has changed from Mad World by Gary Jules to Burning Bridges by Jason Mraz.

I know exactly how you feel
You were this close to closing deals now
When everything fell from out your hands
You were forced to decide on other plans now
You figured it best to just ignore it
Otherwise you're only living for it, yeah
And if anyone ever wondered why you did it
You swear they'd never know you sold your soul to the
Burning, burning, burning bridges

You know exactly what I want so
I don't have to be so damn up front
No matter the moment we decide to make our minds up
I know a man who may need a new assignment
To hand in his heart and take his last vacation
Attempting to spoil imagination
If anyone ever wonders where he went
I wouldn't say that he spent his time driving over
Burning, burning, burning bridges
Burning, burning which is nothing more
than a longing for being uninvolved
Uninvolved
Uninvolved
Uninvolved

Oh, desire can cause heartattacks
Oh, desire can cause heartattacks
Oh, desire can cause heartattacks
Oh, desire, it won't bring you back

A Near Passer-Outer!

So, apparently, me giving blood equals near passing-out business.

Today, I thought I'd be a hero and give some blood. I mean, it's for a good cause and all. So, before my first class, I met Ladybug at the blood-donation-station. After answering all the pertinent questions and verifying the amount of iron (not copper!) in my blood, I allowed the friendly nurse to stab my right arm in search of a good vein.

It didn't take her long to find one. And now the blood is pouring out of my arm, through a clear tube, and into one of the waiting three to four bags for collection of my blood.

And I'm doing fine. The nurse checks on me every few minutes and things are going swell. She comes over to take a look at my progress and says, "Almost finished."

"Good," I reply. "'Cause I don't feel so great."

Things start going black. I close my eyes, hoping to shake the blackness off. I reopen my eyes. There are five or six nurses around me, all doing different things. One is wrapping my arm. Another is calling my name, instructing me to breathe in my nose and out my mouth. There's one behind me, taking my jacket off of me and sticking ice packs on my neck and back. Another is waiting with a bag in case I decided to puke my guts up (which, unfortunately, I did). And still another is telling me to look at her and not close my eyes.

It was hard to hear what was going on around me. There was this loud roaring sound in my ears. And I couldn't get enough air, it seemed.

It was a really scary experience at the time it was happening. Of course, now, I'm just embarrassed and mortified.

I had to stay there for a while. I couldn't leave until I ate something. And then, they had a nurse walk me to my class.

It was not fun.

So, my good deed of donating blood nearly caused me to pass out. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Procreation Must Stop!

So, the inevitable has happened. The horrible awful outcome of a bizarre and twisted relationship has finally come to fruition.

Tom Cruise and Kate Holmes are expecting a child.

I'm sure that the Scientology Community is extremely happy for them. I mean, after all, the Scientologists have a new heir to the throne. They have Tom's little one to carry on after Tom goes off to that great Scientology meeting in the sky.

I had thought that since he had adopted children with Nicole Kidman, I would not have to worry about his cruisaziness getting passed on to any unfortunate offspring. Apparently, I was wrong. This poor child is going to have to deal with countless renditions of others jumping up and down on couches like crazed, maniacal Tom Cruises.

It's just... mindblowing. He never should have been allowed to procreate. What have we done to deserve such an awful punishment??

Exhausted

I am so tired.

Just complete and utter exhaustion.

I feel like I've ran mile after mile of a marathon, hour after hour, day after day for an entire week! I'm so tired that I feel like I'm not even here.

I haven't slept well this week. And when I haven't been sleeping poorly, I've been studying, which did not help me much.

I'm absolutely disappointed. Mostly in myself, but I am also thoroughly disappointed in this week.

All week long, I kept telling myself, "It's going to be okay. You'll get through this week. And then, on Thursday night, you have the season premiere of Alias to watch. Everything will be fine."

Wrong. Everything is not fine. Life sucks and then, you die. Big, fantastic yay-ness for that.

And I thought that I was doing a pretty good job at hiding how tired and stressed I've been this week, but wrong on that account, too. My French professor pulled me aside after class yesterday to ask if I was okay. And this poor lady has had a rough week! Probably even more so than mine!

I probably failed my French test miserably. I probably let her down with my score.

But again, I kept thinking, Alias is on tonight. It's new and fun and it'll make up for your bad week.

Wrong.

Michael Vaughn was violently killed off the show. Like, extremely violently killed. I don't know if I've ever seen a more brutal death on television. I mean, who knows? They may eventually bring the character of Vaughn back. But I really don't think I want them to do that. Then, the show will be just one giant soap opera, with people coming back from violent deaths all the time. (Of course, usually, no one stays dead on Alias for long.) I love the character of Vaughn, but if they're just going to bring him back to torture him and kill him again, I'd rather they leave him dead.

I'm going to quit telling myself things. I'm just a big ol' liar.

And I'm going to quit thinking, too.

Thoroughly Frazzled

Well. Three exams down. Two to go.

I was originally supposed to have another exam today, but fortunately, that class was cancelled. I now have two exams on Thursday instead of two today.

That may not seem like much of a blessing, but let me tell you, it is. It's a wonderful blessing.

My poor, smushed brain can take a rest for the day. No more stuffing information in today. Brain is in release mode.

Yes. That does not make sense, but whatever.

Yeah.

Oh, the Horror!

Mr. "Are you married? Do you wanna be?" has forgotten all about me! I saw him today, holding hands with someone who definitely does not look like me!

I am so distraught over this shocking revelation. I was sure that his proposal of marriage was as truthful as they come. And now... I feel like I don't even know him!

*sob*

Dead Animals = West Nile

So, there's been an increase in the amount of dead animals one sees on campus. Most of these dead animals are birds, which only backs up my theory that West Nile is running rampant on campus.

No one seems to think about moving these animals to a place where they will not be disturbed and thus, are less likely to spread the West Nile that I am sure they have.
The poor squirrel that died underneath its favorite tree laid there for almost two weeks before someone came along and moved it! Two weeks! It makes me shudder to think about it. There were probably crazy college students doing God-knows-what to the little dead squirrel.

And you can't tell me that college students don't mess with dead things. I know they do. For example, there's been a dead bird behind one of the buildings on campus. I pass this bird daily. DeadBird has been there since school began a month ago. Each day, as I pass the decomposing bird, I find that it is in a different position.

Some days, it's against the wall. Others, it is right out in the middle of the path, just waiting for some student who isn't paying attention to step on it. Some days, it's two to three feet away from where it was the day before!

These kids are seeing this bird and moving it! They're kicking it around and stuff. Who does that to something that's passed away? I bet they'd get mad if I went to a graveyard and danced a jig on a family grave.

These kids are stirring up the West Nile business. And they're kicking around this poor bird, thinking no one knows that they're kicking it around. I know! And everyone will know when they get diagnosed with the West Nile.

So, have your fun, you DeadBird-Kickers. Your time is coming.

/end of random rant

The End Is Near (Random Rants)

I have a bit of a catch up to do, it seems.

* * *

Last Thursday, the resident geekling came by to visit me at the convenience store. This time, he spoke to me for ten minutes! He saw me highlighting my government book and felt the need to comment that he "doesn't destroy valuable property."

Yeah. Well, I paid for the book and I'll do whatever I darn well please with it. So, shut it!

Unfortunately, I saw Mr. Geekazoid again today. He was walking across campus and felt obligated to shout out salutations to some passer-by.

As one would imagine, the passer-by did not respond.

* * *

Younger Claus was back tonight. He did not distribute any gifts. Apparently, the Younger Claus has not learned the Way of the Claus.

It was another long class that had scattered information of importance throughout. I am exhausted.

After class was over, Mr.I-Talk-To-Walls stood up from his seat beside me. In horror, I realized that he was wearing a floor-length black cape. His entire body was covered by this mammoth cape! All that stuck out was his head and the crazy hair on it.

Now, I don't know if he thinks he's Dracula or Harry Potter or what-have-you, but full-on cape business in this humid weather is more than a little bizarre. It's downright terrifying.

Last week, I learned that this fellow enjoys carrying on conversations with walls. And today, I found out that he is a floor-length cape wearer.

I am afraid of what I will learn next week.

"Do You Want to Be?"

This cute, young adultling comes into the store today. He's looking for something "snacky." He asks if I can be of any assistance.

So, I offer, "Skittles or Star Burst would be my choice."

He perks up. "Star Burst! Look at you, all kinds of awesome! Are you married?"

"No."

"Do you want to be?"

For whatever reason, it just made my day.

Does That Make Sense?

So, Santa Clause's younger brother teaches my World Religions class. He is not quite as rotund as the senior Clause, but he does have an overall jolly, round appearance. He has a graying beared and salt-and-pepper colored hair.

Anyhow. The younger Clause's favorite phrase seems to be "Does that make sense?"

The class is interesting, despite the professor's resemblence to Santa Clause. He does tend to ramble. A lot. He rambles about for long lengths of time. Long rambles causes me to get sidetracked by other thoughts.

Younger Clause likes to ask if we've been to different places in the world. "Have any of you been to a big Gothic cathedral in Europe?" Insert crickets chirping loudly. Or he'll ask, "Anyone ever heard of Hans Juergensmeyer?" Again, with the crickets.

What is bizarre is that he seems confused by our lack of knowledge at times. But isn't that why we're taking the class? For him to impart his knowledge to us? How often do students come into a class knowing all there is to know about that particular subject??

And then, Younger Clause decides to show us a bit of a film. He tells us, "I don't know if there's anyway to turn half the lights off..." But half the lights were already off in the room! They'd been off for the entire class! What is that all about?

But honestly, he is interesting.

The other classmates, however, frighten me to no end. I am afraid to open my mouth at times, because I am sure that they will suck the soul right out of my body. I became even more sure of this when the guy who sits next to me began talking to the wall on his way out of the building. He already looks frightening to begin with.... and then, he starts trying to carry on conversations with walls??

And I am so positive he asked the wall a question. The WALL!!

Tick Tick Tick... BOOM!

Yeah, that's me. I'm going to explode in two weeks time.

Why? Because I have an exam in every one of my freakin' classes in the same week. This has never happened to me. My brain is going to explode. I promise you.

So, if you happen to see cortical or subcortical matter flying about, don't worry. It's just my exploded brain matter.

* * *

Teddy Grahams are not a balanced meal.

* * *

I'm getting tired of seeing people's stomachs. Why can't they wear their shirts long enough? Is that too hard to ask?

I'm also getting tired of all the name-calling and blaming that is going on since Hurricane Katrina. You know what? We're all to blame. Mankind has been meddling with Nature for years. Nature finally got some revenge. Payback's a bitch.

Get used to it.

"Do You See A Retainer?"

Apparently, this institution of higher learning that I am attending seems to think I wear a retainer. If they don't think that, then they do think that I'm a thoughtless teenager - a reckless individual incapable of taking care of themselves.

For tonight, I was forced to sit through over an hour long assembly. Forced to sit through a mandatory alcohol & drug awareness meeting. There were five speakers in total. Two of the speakers weren't that bad. However, the other three made me want to jump off the cliffs behind Ladybug's house.

My brain seriously aches from the punishment I have endured. The main speaker spoke to us like we were idiots. She acted like we had absolutely no concept or understanding of what she was saying.

Well, understand this, Lady! I understand that there are repercussions for drugs & alcohol use. I'm not four years old. Nor do I need to be spoken to like I'm sitting in a time-out corner or the "naughty stool," as practiced by SuperNanny.

I have little to no patience. Making me sit through a "stern talking to", as you so eloquently put it, makes me thoroughly unhappy. And then, when you throw in the fact that I had to sit through this same assembly last year, it makes me hostile.

And since we were obviously unable to comprehend what they were telling us, we had to watch a skit. A meaningless skit where they changed the words to Green Eggs and Ham and made it about doing drugs and alcohol on campus. The skit was meant to "lighten the mood."

As you can tell, it really lightened my mood.

The Geeking Hour

Did you know, that between the hours of 4 and 5 p.m., the geeks come out to play?

And not just any geeks. These geeks put the -eek in geek and are geeks of the geekiest kind. They wear socks with sandals and flip-flops, tape surrounds the middle of their glasses, and when they find a word math problem particularly funny, a snort erupts in the midst of giggles.

They attend every class, diligently soaking up any and all information they can from their professors. Then, they begin the homework they've set aside for themselves, working away most of the afternoon.

But at four, they come out to play.

How do I know?

Because while I was at work today in my little convenience store of fun, I saw an increased amount of geek activity. Between the hours of four and five, ten of the twelve individuals who came into the store were mega-geeks. Geeks that are so geeky that your Geek-dar doesn't even have to warn you of their geekiness. You already know.

One geekling that came in was wearing socks with sandals and ankle weights. Ankle weights! This is the only time I have ever seen ankle weights being worn in public!

Anyway, he enters. He paces the store. I'm doing some homework. He stops right in front of me and says, "I see you're working as a student while you work as a citizen."

Who says stuff like that?

He then continues to ramble. "I also thought about finding a job on campus. But most of those jobs are already taken by students like yourself."

I thought he was a student! If he's not a student, what the hell is he doing, wandering a college campus with his ankle weights?

"How does the purchasing happen in this store?"

Well, you see, it's a fairly simple process. You pick out something you like in the store, and if you have enough money, I'll trade you the item for your cash.

"I was going to drop in to see my advisor, but she's been extremely busy and did not have time for me. At least, that's what the note on her door said. I'm going to check back in a few minutes."

By all means, go check now! And don't come back!

But no. He stayed for quite a while, talking to me. Me! What in the world have I done to deserve this kind of punishment? He continued to speak at me. This poor child has had little social interaction in his life. And while I would like for him to have some practice in social settings, I do not have the patience to help him.

That was only one of my ten encounters with geeklings for the afternoon.

I know that I am a bit of a geek myself. But I don't think that I could ever be as geeky as these children that I saw today. When I find myself in situations with incredibly geeky individuals, I usually exit the area as quickly as possible. But I couldn't do anything but stand there and take the geek-torture.

It was someone's idea of a very cruel joke. I'm sure of it. It's a damn conspiracy. *nods*

Siamese Potatoes

My Linguistics professor tells us that the brain resembles "siamese potatoes."

I am beginning to wonder where this school finds its professors.

Mr. Comparative Government professor pronounced my name wrong when he decided to call on me in class. And so, I did not answer. I wasn't sure who he had called on. He's staring at me the entire time. He tries again. "Did I say that right?"

I can understand mispronouncing my last name. Phonetically, the way my family pronounces it is not correct. But my first name??

You hear that boom? That's the sound of my mind blowing.

Meet the Man of Your Dreams....

There's a poster on my floor with that slogan. "Meet the Man of Your Dreams." Apparently, my floor has teamed up with the guys on the fourth floor for $4 Movie Mondays. Girls on our floor sign up to go to the movies with the fourth floor guys.

Fortunately for me, I have a busy Monday schedule and will never be able to make Movie Mondays. Also, I've yet to see anyone in this building who would even come close to being the "Man of My Dreams."

Whatever.

* * *

My Economics teacher... foams at the mouth.

Bless the man's heart. He seems to be a really good guy. But going on just the first impression? I'm kind of frightened. Foam, spittle, what-have-you kept coming out of his mouth.

Since I was seated on the front row, I was quite worried. I couldn't remember if rabies is contagious or airborne or whatever.

* * *

Drivers of the World! May I have a word with you?

(Scratch that. I have no experience wtih drivers of the world.)

Drivers of the United States! Listen up!

For the love of all that is Holy, drive on your designated side of the road. Just tonight, my Rory-truck and I were nearly smushed because two separate individuals felt the need to take up half of their lane and half of mine.

You do not get control of the road! I don't care how big your vehicle is.

Honestly! And just the other day, I watched some yahoo drive all hibbity-jibbity across the oncoming lanes of traffic, as if he (or she) owned the whole damn road.

From now on, stay in your own lane. Do not come careening around a corner and into my lane. If you do so, you are driving too fast. Slow your butt down. Or you will die.

That is all.

The Surreal Life

For some crazy reason, I found it necessary to watch a couple of episodes of VH1's Surreal Life. This isn't the first time that I've watched the show. I watched the previous season quite regularly. It was nice to see Peter Brady outside of the Brady home and over the age of 13.

Anyhow. I found myself watching the horrible season that is currently airing. Whoever thought it would be fun and clever to put Janice Dickinson and Omarosa on the same cast should be shot. Those two don't ever need to be anywhere near each other.

Dickinson claims she's the world's first supermodel. Well, ducky for her. She enjoys referring to her supermodel days as often as possible. This is very upsetting for me, as her voice sounds (to me) like nails on a chalkboard. Anyway, the "world's first supermodel" spends most of her time talking about herself, throwing herself onto others, or whining.

Usually, after one of Dickinson's whining bits, the camera switches to Omarosa, who whines and gripes about how awful Dickinson is. But it's not like Omarosa is any better. Omarosa talks about herself non-stop. There is no one else on this Earth besides Omarosa. Just because she was on The Apprentice, she's now a Hollywood It Girl, and she believes that she will have the same lasting fame as Audrey Hepburn.

One episode featured the Surreal Lifers doing a community service project. Somehow, Omarosa was the leader. But she didn't do a damn thing that I saw. She just stood around, supervising. They were supposed to be working as a team. But Omarosa has not concept of this team word.

They both make me want to scream and hurl myself out of my third-floor window. I don't believe that I will be watching any more episodes this season. I must graduate college; not drop out because some crazies on television numbed my brain and took what little sanity I have.

I'm serious. Those ladies need help. And I don't even know where one could begin to help the two of them.

It's tragic.

Back to School

Back to school!
Back to school,
To prove to Dad that I'm not a fool!
I got my lunch packed up,
My boots tied tight,
I hope I don't get in a fight!
Ohhh, back to school!
Back to school!
Back to school!

Well, here goes nothing!
-Courtesy of Adam Sandler and Billy Madison

You've Got to Be Kidding Me!

Apparently, Gwen Stefani refuses to appear at the MTV Video Music Awards. They didn't ask her to perform, and so, she's not showing up at all.

If this is true, I don't even know what to say. She's up for six awards and she's not coming? Because they won't let her perform?

That shit is bananas. B.A.N.A.N.A.S.

The Allure of Neverland

What's so alluring about the existence of the Neverland?

Is it the fact that anything you so desire can happen at the drop of a hat? One can do seemingly anything, or at least things that they are not able to do in everyday life. One is never hungry, never ill, never anything but excited about life and the new adventures each day brings.

Or is it because one never grows old? They remain youthful and carefree without the worries that maturity bring.

In the Neverland, such things as pink and purple polka-dotted elephants exist. They eat only orange, sugary circus peanuts and spray soda from their trunks. Animals of all different species and colors roam freely and we all coexist peacefully.

In the Neverland, happy thoughts and a little fairy dust can enable one to soar with the clouds, fly faster than the birds, and touch the stars. The stars do not seem so very far away in the Neverland. There is no need for vehicles. There is no need for gasoline.

In the Neverland, dreams come true and everyone is happy. No one is ever sick. Death is always there, but it is looked at as an adventure, not a mournful passing.

Langston Hughes once said, "Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly."

We need our dreams. Mr. Hughes proclaims it so. Dreams keep our spirits high. As Marsha Norman explains, "Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you."

We must continue to imagine.
We must continue to believe.
We must continue to dream.

What would the world be like if everyone gave up on their dreams? There are thousands of inventions that would not exist if people gave up on their dreams. Their dreams were inspired by their imagination. Imagination is a wonderful thing. Imagination sparks dreams. The Neverland exists when one uses their imagination.

Did you know that a person can grow up and not lose their precious imagination? However, in the process of growing older, people are often subjected to things that bring about great sorrow or suffering. Imagination is often left behind for more "adult-like" things. The days that were once long and full of all sorts of adventures are forgotten. Time becomes scarce; there is never enough time to do all that needs to be done in one day.

But we need to imagine, just as we need to dream and sometimes, to dream. The very intelligent Albert Einstein shared with the world that "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."

In short, don't give up on something that you want, even if it is something you've imagined and only seen a few times in your dreams. There are people in Life whose sole purpose in Life is to bring you down. They are here to dash every dream, break every hope, and squash every imaginative thought you ever have. Do not give up.

If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time. -- Marcel Proust

And me? What do I choose to dream about?

The existence of the Neverland.

Forty Frickin' Dollars!

It cost forty frickin' dollars to fill up my gas tank today. Forty frickin' dollars!

I am never driving again. Or at least for a couple of hours. 'Cause forty dollars?! That's crazy.

Especially when I was used to filling up my old little car, Rollerskate, for less than fifteen.

It's never cost this much before. I'm somewhat depressed.

* * *

I met the cutest little boy today while getting my hair cut. He was also there for a trim. He was probably three. He just kept saying the funniest things. He was very concerned when he realized the woman was cutting my hair. He told me, "You can't get your hair cut here. They'll cut it like a boy's! You have to go somewhere else."

Later, after our cuts were both finished, he told me my hair was cool. But his was cooler, as the stylist finished his hair before my stylist finished with my hair.

He also informed me that someday, his momma was going to buy him shoes that are way cooler than the Nike Shox I was wearing today. He said that his shoes would light up and cost approximately 54132 times more than what mine cost.

* * *

The mall is sinking!

Well, not quite. But it is flooding. Not quite sure where the water is coming from. Quite sure that I do not want to know where the water formerly lived.

The Forecast? Crazy.

There's many doors at the Casino that are marked NOT AN EXIT.

Today, I came out of one of these doors. I come out of these doors often, as I work behind these sort of doors. But tonight, there was a guest watching the door, I suppose. Because when I came out of said door, he comes up to me and asks, "If that wasn't an exit you came out of, where'd you come from??"

I just came out of nowhere, I guess. I just Disapparated from my previous position to that very position outside of the door where you saw me. Lucky me. I should have gone to Hogwarts for my education. Or at the very least, some other school for magical children.

Guess I just missed out.

Sneezing Dangerous Crazies

Why do I attract the craziest people on God's green Earth?

I don't know if it's supposed to be some kind of joke, but it is no longer funny, not that it was funny in the first place.

The little Blackjack Dealer who has a "thang" for me found out that I know about his "thang" for me. He blew up at my co-workers last night. Like, crazy behavior that shocked several people. He never acts like that. He's so mild-mannered and nice to everyone. And then, he flips out because someone told me that he likes me!

One more night left. I hope nothing else happens. Tonight's shift was just one big drama after another. We weren't even all that busy. We just kept having one crisis pop up before we had the previous crisis handled.

If I was a drinker, I'd have gotten rip-roarin' drunk these last three nights. But I'm not a drinker. So, there's no point in the rip-roarin' business.

* * *

Did you know that each time you sneeze, your heart stops? It has been said that sneezing is the closest to death one can get without actually dying. Isn't that bizarre?

So, when someone near you sneezes (or you sneeze), just think about it. Your heart just stopped right then. And yet you're still alive. What if your heart never started beating again?

You also can't keep your eyes open when you sneeze. Which means, you could very well have a terrible car accident because of a little sneeze.

Sneezing is dangerous.

* * *

Peter Jennings passed away today. He lost his battle with lung cancer.

I really enjoyed Peter Jennings. I've grown up with him delivering the news. It's quite... weird.

Morbidly Miserable, Morose, and Murky

I'm feeling all sorts of out of sorts.

Mostly just tired. And angry.

Work completely sucked tonight. And then, we got super busy when I was supposed to be leaving. There was supposed to be another worker there to help out, but she conveniently went on break two seconds before the rush came in. Thanks for that, dear. You're a doll. Also, said worker kept messing things up and saying, "Who knows what I did? There's no telling."

Well, somebody better be figuring something out. By the sixth time she said that in a one hour time period, I was ready to slam my head against the wall. I don't believe that would have been helpful, but still.

Security Guard decided to talk to me all the freakin' time. (Did you know that I have a gorgeous smile?) This is the same Security Guard that bowed to me several weeks ago. Like I want to listen to him yap about whatever. Then, he decides to ask this Kid who graduated with me about me. Stupid, stupid Security Guard. The Kid practically yells my name for all to hear. I turn and look at him. Security Guard flusters. The Kid continues, "Dude, she's meaaaaan. Like, she looks sweet and stuff. But no. Freakin' evil."

Damn skippy. I am evil. And I like it that way. So, don't mess with me, yo.

Security Guard better recognize and leave me the hell alone. I have only two days left, but things are going to get ugly if he doesn't stop. And for his information, there's only one security guard in the whole place who I would ever even think about dating. It's not him, that's for sure.

I found out that one of the Blackjack dealers thinks the world of me. He thinks I'm sweet and nice. And beautiful. (Bless his little heart... I've sure got him fooled!) He waited around for me last night to get off of work. But I ended up leaving early, so he waited for nothing. Apparently, he's been telling everyone that I'm all kinds of wonderful.

He always notices when I am missing from work. He asks about me every night that I'm not there (when he is there). And he seemed genuinely interested in the fact that I went to speech camp for two weeks. But I never realized that he liked me!

I guess I'm just an idiot. Or I just don't pay attention. Stuff like this has happened on more than one occasion, and I never see it coming. I'm just.... I don't know what.

Apparently, the word is that he's been trying to build up the courage to ask me out. (It seems like everyone knew about this before I did!) But now, since he found out my last day is Monday, he's trying to muster up his courage a little quicker.

I hope he doesn't ask me.

I don't feel like going out with anyone right now, even precious little Blackjack dealers. I don't want to have to tell him that, though. I don't want to have to say "No." to him. He really is precious and I don't want to upset him.

My freakin' brain skipped out on me today. I still had two hours left in my shift and my brain just clocks out. Couldn't think to save my life. I thought I was going to hurt myself. It was just horrible. Security Guard overheard me telling someone that my brain quit working. He offered his condolences. And then, he tells me that his brain usually quits working the minute he clocks in.

Well, ducky for you.

Mr. Curiosity

Hey, Mr. Curiosity
Is it true what they've been saying about you?
Are you killing me?

You took care of the cat already.
And for those who think it's heavy,
is it the truth or is it only gossip?

Shut up, Already!

MTV... please go back to playing just music videos. Pretty please?

I mean, every once in a while, you have fair to decent show on the air. But look at all the crap you're shoving into impressionable minds?

Date My Mom.
Room Raiders.
My Super Sweet 16.

That last one is horrible. I wish I had never gotten the chance to view that awful show. However, I have a sister who enjoys MTV. Or I live with teenlings who do not function without their daily dose of MTV.

I do not enjoy hearing the screams and cries of spoiled little children that are getting extravagant sixteen birthdays. And I absolutely loved watching the episode where one parent took away bratty child's credit card, only to have the other parent give her another one. Way to be a team, parents!

I don't regularly watch MTV. I don't choose to regularly watch MTV. But when I am living in a one television home where the one television is tuned to MTV... I don't have much of a choice.

So, MTV... please? Shut UP, already!

Mourning....

The sky is falling.

One of my favorite bands of all time has split up. Oh, excuse me -- the band has been put on hold. The Calling is going on a hiatus.

On the plus side, Alex Band is working on a solo album, which is fantastic. That child has one heck of a voice.

But I am so sad that I didn't get to see The Calling perform live. They were performing in Kansas on my birthday one year. My junior year of high school, I believe. I wanted to go see them so much.

Alas, I could not. And now, I'll probably never get to see The Calling perform live.

I'm somewhat terribly saddened by this realization.

Throat for Sale

Anyone want an inflamed larynx? It's all red and pretty like that. I wouldn't do much with it, as it is rather sore, but I'm sure it'd make a nice display somewhere.

Waiting for offers.

* * *

Hey, night-time drivers! You wanna know a secret?

If you turn your brights off, but not your headlights, you can still see the road. You can still see very well to drive in the dark night hours. With just your wee little headlights! Isn't that amazing?

So, please, do not utilize your brights just because the sun has gone out for the evening. Most of the time, you end up blinding other drivers because you forget to switch them off as a vehicle approaches you or you just don't care.

I don't need a migraine because of your lack of whatever. If you absolutely can't see without your brights after midnight, then I say, "You shouldn't be out on the road!"

* * *

Oh, Mr. Jason Mraz, why must you write such beautiful music? I lurve you so much. And then, I listen to your music, and I lurve you tons more.

You should come near me and play so's I can see you. That would be very nice of you.

I'll buy you a sno cone. *nods*

* * *

Why haven't they washed/cleaned Mt. Rushmore before now? I mean, 78 years is a looooooooooong time to wait before cleaning a national treasure. Do they wait 78 years to clean the Statue of Liberty?

I can't believe it's in fair condition, especially since it hasn't been cleaned in 78 years.

I don't know. Just a thought.

Did You Get My Message??

Do you ever wonder what happens to the words that we send? Do they bend? Do they break from the flight that they take, and come back together again with a whole new meaning in a brand new sense, completely unrelated to the one I sent?

* * *
Why can't I find a template I like? Can't they make new ones? Or someone make me one? I try to tweak the templates that are there.... but they end up all fugly.

Pretty please? *looks hopeful*

Notice!

The world revolves around me!

Well, not really. But I would appreciate it if I could buy the album/record/what-have-you that I'm looking for without travelling to three stores before finding it.

I finally found a copy of Jason Mraz's latest, Mr. A-Z, at the third store I visited. It's quite different from his debut album, I must say. It seems that I will always enjoy the Mraz-ness, no matter what he decides to do.

Confession time. I have a love for school supplies. I don't know why. I just love them. The smell of a fresh box of crayons should be a fragrance for both house and car. The sight of new lunchboxes, binders, notebooks, and pencil boxes all lined up in pretty, bright, shining rows.... oh! the joy of it all.

I wandered through the school supply aisles at several stores today. And then, when I had finished perusing them once, I turned around and wandered some more.

I mean, fine point pens, college-ruled paper.... what more could one want?

A few things, actually....

1. Tickets to a Jason Mraz concert
2. Sno-Cones as good as the ones I had at camp
3. Tickets to see The Killers
4. October
5. Michael Vartan to marry me
6. A trip to Neverland with Peter and Tink...

Random Rants of Mondays

Why can't McDonald's serve their entire menu all day? Why am I forced to eat something "breakfast"-y when I go there after work each morning? My day ends in the morning. In the morning, when my day ends, I would like to celebrate with a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, not a Chicken Bacon Egg McThingy.

* * *

A guy comes up to me at the Casino. "I've never seen you before," he says.

Well, you've got to be kidding me. There's only six billion people in the world, and you haven't once seen me??

Horrible.

* * *

It's impossible for me to smile.

Sorry if that sounds crazy, but it's true.

A lady at work comes in to get her tips. "Don't you ever smile? I come back here every day, and I have never seen a smile on your face."

Of course, I smile. The only difference is my smile is invisible. It's a secret smile.

Smiling is over-rated. Just so you know.

And if someone asks me again why I don't smile, I'm going to go crazy. Do I go around asking you why you smile all the time? Or why you look like a crazy person because you are smiling all the time?

* * *

Kids in Idaho are getting killed by playing "The Choking Game." Apparently, kids cut off the blood supply to their brains by choking one another.

They do this for fun.

I think there's something wrong with these kiddos. And if they're going to be that stupid and play a "game" like that, I think they should die.

Think about it. We've got enough stupid people in the world as it is. If these stupid people kill each other off, we won't have to worry about the next generation having as many stupid people.

It makes sense. Sounds morbid, but it does make sense.

* * *

Holy Mackeral.

A five dollar bill came into my possession at the Casino last night. One of its previous owners had drawn all over Abraham Lincoln's face. They also left the comment, You're a n------ lover and that's why you died.

First of all, Abraham Lincoln has been deceased for many years. So, I think the proper grammar would have been you were, not you're.

Second, who says stuff like that? I don't care if you are holding a grudge against a man who died some 140 years earlier. If you don't have something intelligent to share with the world, Bubba, I'd appreciate it if you kept your redneck mouth shut.

Abraham Lincoln was a great man. He had his flaws, but I don't believe the one left on the five dollar bill was one of them.

* * *

I have the Black Lung.

Inhaling copier toner dust for two weeks will do that to you. Blackness fills my lungs.

I feel like Derek Zoolander did when he worked one day in the mines with his father and brother.

Anyway.

Not a Fan

I'm not a fan of Life right now. The last three weeks have been one giant suckfest after another, and quite frankly, I'm tired of it.

I want to go away and hide somewhere where I can't be found. I think I'm going to do that.

Don't come looking for me. I'll come back when I'm good and ready.

Are You Asleep?

Did you know that if your house doesn't have a garage, it's not really a respectable home?

Or so I hear.

* * *

The girl I'm rooming with comes in just seconds before "room-check" last night. I'm nearly half zombie because I haven't been sleeping well and I'm waiting for her to get her butt in the room. She's the only camper that I have to watch and "room-check".

The lights are out in the room. As she walks in, I say, "Make sure you're at least on the dorm floor by 10:45."

She says, "Okay." Then, she pauses. "Are you asleep?"

Not just yet. I mean, I just sat up in bed when you came in the door and reminded you that you're supposed to be on this floor by 10:45 p.m. So, unless I'm narcoleptic and not aware of my narcolepsy, I don't believe I'm asleep just yet.

Kids.

* * *

So, I've gotten teased all day for being "twitterpated." In fact, the teaser tells me that I'm "more than a little twitterpated." He think it's great fun to tease me mercilessly.

And then, he'll stop. He waits quietly, letting my mind forget that he's been teasing me. After a few minutes, he starts back up again.

Oh, geez.

The Not So Glamourous Life of a Junior Staffer

I'm at speech camp. It's hot. And I get the honor of rooming with a camper for the next week. What fun.

The drive down here was uneventful. Although, we did take a nice detour. The detour did not go where I wanted it to go, and thus, I am unhappy about the results of the detour.

So far this evening, we've watched a lady dancing or praising someone on the side of the street. We've also seen another woman who was walking right in the middle of a busy street. She was just trotting down the turn lane as if she owned the place.

It was quite bizarre.

Tomorrow starts early for me. I have to help out at registration. I don't get to help out a lot with the individual classes at speech camp. I'm mostly behind-the-scenes, helping to keep the camp running as smoothly as possible.

I'm a glorified personal assistant to several different people at once.

But being a former camper, the camp is enjoyable. You can learn how to perfect your performances in humerous duets, dramatic duets, extemporaneous speaking, and the like. The second week focuses more on Lincoln-Douglas Debate and Cross-Examination Debate. It's a little less fun.

However, while it is a lot of work, there are fun things to do most every night.

I am hoping for a visitor to come by this week.... it would make my week so fantastic....

*whistles*

Dear Small Town America....

You're driving me crazy.

Today, I go to the high school to see if I can pick up my transcript. Again, no one is there. And why is no one there? Because they've decided to remodel some things. Great. That's fabulous. I wish you would have told me this before you told me I could drop by any time to pick up my transcript.

The transcript was not available. Again.

Then, as I was driving back from the school, I notice that this family-run used car lot has a new roof. And on the roof, painted in big red letters, are the words : Jesus Is Coming Soon.

Now, while I don't doubt that Jesus will one day be returning to Earth, it's a little odd for this family to be proclaiming it from their rooftop. I don't know how things are in their heart of hearts, but from the image they project, I find it hard to take them seriously with their proclaimation.

I don't know how they live their lives behind closed doors. But I still find it odd. Whatever, though. Free country. You can do and say as you please. As long as you're within the limits of the law.

Some road construction was happening on the other main thoroughfare through town last week. This week, they've decided to put up signs announcing that the roads were being worked on.

However, it seems to me that they already did all the work they're going to do. And they did it all last week, when they didn't have these orange signs warning everyone of their intentions. It really doesn't make sense for them to be putting up these signs now.

There's a sign that reads: Loose Gravel, 35 M.P.H. Okay. Fine. Whatever. Except for the fact that there's no loose gravel on the highway. There's some huge piles of loose gravel off to one side of the highway, but not any actual loose gravel on the highway. And the piles of loose gravel are a decent distance from the road. So, unless they want families to slow down through that area and marvel at the scenery of loose, piled gravel, I don't know why the crud those signs are in place.

Oh. And another thing, Small Town America, utilize the blinkers on your vehicles! They are in place for you to communicate with other drivers that are sharing the road with you. That's right, sharing the road. Just because you're on the road, it does not mean that the road is yours to hog. Back off, Bubba.

And use your blinkers. If you decide to go over the top of a hill and turn off suddenly, how am I supposed to know what you're wanting to do? Am I supposed to use some clairvoyant powers to "see" what you wish to do?

Do you "see" that I want to shove my fist into your face for aggravating me after a ten-hour shift?

No. I didn't think so. So, please, use your blinkers and your brakes. Otherwise, my truck is going to run over your vehicle. It's as simple as that.

Oh, Geez.

Work was oddly therapeutic this evening. I mean, I had a lot to do. And basically, I was the only one working. My boss was in there with me this evening. She doesn't do a whole lot. She mostly just watched me.

And what a night to watch me! Everything I was responsible for came out balanced! Exactly to the penny! Go me!

All that work helped me think through some things I have been mulling over lately. I've come to a clear decision.

I can't wait to go back to school in August. I wish it was August 3. 'Cause then, I'd have like 10 days before I got to go back.

I'll have my private room, my French classes, my little convenience store job.

Of course, there will be things that I miss terribly. Things and people that I'll be sad to be so far from.

But I have to go. I can't stay in this town. More power to the people who can, but I am not one of them.

Sorry, town. I hate to break it to you, but I don't like you very much. And I don't care what you think.

Oh, geez.

The Early Morning Wakey Wakeys

Okay. This is the second day in a row that I've woken up at 5 a.m. There's no need for this.

Yesterday, I fell back asleep after being awake two hours. Maybe I'll do that today.

But until then, I'm going to provide random thoughts and rants.

So...

The new LOGO channel is airing. Some Christian advocacy group claims that the 24 hour television network for gay and lesbian individuals is an "assault on the nation's children."

I think... everyone just needs to leave everyone else alone. The Bible teaches to "Judge not, lest ye be judged." So, why does it appear that most Christian groups are doing the judging in this world??

I believe in God. But I also believe that I do not have the right to tell someone how to live their life. I don't believe in condemning other religions because they don't have the same beliefs that I do. And I don't believe that the LOGO channel is an "assault on the nation's children."

I mean, if you are to believe that about LOGO, what about the other channels that are geared specifically towards one group of people? How about Lifetime? Can Lifetime be considered an "assault on the nation's" men? It is the "Television for Women." And they generally make men out to be evil, lying backstabbers.

Hm. I think I'll boycott Lifetime. I was never one to watch Lifetime in the first place, but now, I won't watch it at all. I can't support a television channel that's assaulting a group of people.

* * *

I love Jason Mraz. The man just writes such beautiful songs. And when he sings, he just pours his heart and soul into every word. It's just awesome. Plus, he enjoys Elton John. Anyone who enjoys Elton John is okay with me.

I want to go to a Jason Mraz show. Will someone take me? I promise I'll be good.

What. The. Crap.

What could I have possibly done to make the World mad?

I mean, seriously. This is getting ridiculous.

Work problems. Cell phone problems that can't be fixed until a Father calls about the malfunctioning phone. Can't find the dang album I want to buy. Migraine headache that's been trying to get at me for days.

And boy, when it comes, it's going to be bad. Like bad in the worst way.

Is it that hard to get someone to print me off a frickin' official high school transcript? I'm getting the run-around. And then, I get no one. I am getting angry.

Thank Heavens I know people who can make me laugh.

* * *

I work with this kid I graduated with from high school. He's the head cook for the concession portion of the Casino. I go to buy some candy earlier this morning and he was all like, "Dude, let me make you something awesome! I can cook like nobody's business."

And I guess I must have had this "Uh-huh, yeah, I'm sure" looks on my face. Because he gets all serious and says, "Hey. I may have been an ass in high school, but I am not one now." He pauses. "I think."

It's Official.

I hate my job.

I absolutely, positively despise it and wish it would die.

If I have another night like last night, I am quitting. I don't care if it makes me dirt poor. I'll live.

I will not live if I have another night like last night.

Someone kill me now.

Things I've Noticed

I used to think Orlando Bloom was awesome.

Two months ago, I woke up and realized that he can't act to save his life. I've spent the last two years blinded by his pretty face. But that's all he is: a pretty face, no substance.

He should have been a model.

ETA: Years later, I retract this realization. I like him. He acts well. The end.

* * *

Someone needs to shut Tom Cruise up before something bad happens to him. He thinks he can go around blurting out stuff all the time because he's Tom Cruise! He knows everything! He studies everything!

I wanted to see War of the Worlds. Wanted being the key word there.

I no longer want to see it. I don't care who directed it.

Then, I started thinking about Tom's other movies and which ones I've liked. And the only one I even liked at all was Mission Impossible.

I think he needs to restrain himself. I understand that he has his opinions and he is entitled to have these opinions and speak his opinions without judgement (everyone's entitled to their opinions and we shouldn't judge opinions), but I'm having a really hard time with this.

I think maybe if he had always been this outspoken and wild acting, it wouldn't bother me so much. But it really just seems to me that he has exploded in the media recently. This suggests a big publicity stunt in order to boost War of the Worlds.

I don't know about Tom Cruise anymore.

* * *

Why do the new country singers sing through their nose? If all it took was singing through your nose, I know a lot of people who would make it big.

Quit singing through your dang nose! You can sing without sounding Nanny-esque.

There's one country singer that I have in mind. But I care not to remember her name. I just wish she'd stop singing through her nose.

* * *

Speaking of country singers, I am beginning to dislike Toby Keith more and more. I used to like him back in the day. But now.... not so much.

I think my dislike for Toby Keith started when he released that song, The Angry American. I have... issues with that song.

I'm thankful for the freedom we have in America. I'm grateful to every soldier who has fought to maintain that freedom.

But... We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way ???

How is that "the American way?" Does our Constitution say anything about putting boots in people's asses?

'Cause, I mean, I've read it on more than one occasion, and I don't remember that line being anywhere in the official document of our country.

* * *

I love Garden State. I don't care who knows it.

My favorite scene is where they yell into the abyss. That just looks like all kinds of fun.

* * *

Did you know, that when in proper working order, windshield wipers will remove moisture from the windshield?

I had heard that windshield wipers performed that function. But it's been so long since mine have been in working order. I had forgotten. I had been in need of new windshield wipers for over a year.

Windshield wipers are a good thing.

* * *

I don't care for being an adult.

Working all the time just to pay off bills is not what I'd call fun.

As a child, you seemed to have time for everything. But now? There isn't enough time to do everything you need to do in one day.

Does anyone know how to get in contact with Peter Pan? I'd very much like a visit from Peter and Tink. I could be persuaded to run away to Neverland, I think.

How very easily I could be persuaded.

I Am Not MK!

I am not Mary Kate Olsen. I do not have an eating disorder.

Apparently, I've lost weight. I thought I still weighed the same. I go to show my Mother this by jumping on the scales. The scales point out that I've lost 5 pounds.

So, I am going to set the record straight. I am not trying to lose weight.

I work a 10 hour job. I don't like to eat at work because that place is FILTHY! I don't eat when I get off work because I usually go straight to bed. I get in about one meal a day. I'm sorry if that's not up to code or whatever, but I can't eat when I'm not hungry.

Sometimes I get so busy that I don't remember to eat. This does not mean that I have an eating disorder. I'm just busy. Or not hungry at the time.

If you're around me long enough, you will notice that I do eat. And if you check my fingers, you'll not see any teeth marks on them from me trying to make myself vomit. I'm not bulemic. I'm not anorexic. I do not have an eating disorder!

I promise!

* * *

Why can't the stupid store have the soundtrack I want when I want it?? I want the soundtrack to Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

And I am so upset that the new Lindsay Lohan movie has a Rooney song on its soundtrack. I nearly keeled over in the aisle.

Sing It, Sistah!

At least, that's what one of the guys at work told me today when he caught me singing and dancing in my office.

In honor of Friday and new tires for Rory, I have decided to share some of the best songs to sing like you've never sung before, even if you can't carry a tune to save your life. They're just plain fun.

(Nice to Meet You) Anyway -- Gavin DeGraw
Bohemian Rhapsody -- Queen
Build Me Up Buttercup -- The Foundations
Play That Funky Music, White Boy -- Wild Cherry
On Love, In Sadness -- Jason Mraz
Love Is A Battlefield -- Pat Benatar
Have A Little Faith in Me -- John Hiatt
Miss Independent -- Kelly Clarkson
I Believe In A Thing Called Love -- The Darkness
My Sharona -- The Knack
Rock the Casbah -- The Clash
Surrender -- Cheap Trick
You're So Vain -- Carly Simon
Jack & Diane -- John Mellencamp
The Floor -- Rooney
Jessie's Girl -- Rick Springfield
I Wanna Be Sedated -- The Ramones
Tempted -- Squeeze
Mr. Brightside -- The Killers
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic -- The Police
Sadie Hawkins Dance -- Relient K

Again, these are just some of the best songs to belt out.

Here's a good question. What's my favorite song? I'll give a dollar to whoever can name it and who sings it.

Hint: It's not on the list above.

Beverly Hills...

That's where I want to be!

The new Weezer song is all kinds of awesome.

* * *

I had an excellent Monday. Probably one of the best in the history of Mondays.

Mondays aren't usually so excellent. Mondays are usually most dreary and uneventful.

* * *

The gals at work asked me if I was a professional dancer.

Me. A professional dancer?

Professional spazzamatic is more like it.

* * *

I love this Lifehouse song.

It's called Chapter One. I heart it.

All the stars are out tonight it feels as though I might
Make some sense out of this madness will it turn out right
Who's to say where the wind will blow

Time will tell us if we're out of answers when it stops
Climb back down to the beginning
Take it from the top
Who's to say where the wind will blow

What happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground
Do you pick up the pieces all around
And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
Take your chances turn around and go

All the leaves are turning and the sky fades to gray
Strange our life coincides with the seasons of today
Who's to say where the wind will blow

What happens when everything is lying on the ground
Do you pick up the pieces all around

And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
Take your chances turn around and go

Carry on you say
Bring the best of today
All I see is struggling on the way

Maybe when the sun crashes through the gray
I can find the strength to make it through the day
Through the day

What happens when all your dreams are lying on the ground
Do you pick up the pieces all around

And if the world should fall apart hold on to what you know
Take your chances turn around and go
Take your chances turn around and go

* * *

There's only one word to describe me now. And I believe that word would be twitterpated. A thousand cool points to anyone who knows what that means without having to looking it up. If you look it up, you only get a hundred cool points.

And I'll know if you look up the answer or not. I have all kinds of powers. The Force is with me. *nods*

* * *

Living in Beverly Hills....

My Father, the Money Scammer

I'm taking a nap earlier today. My father comes home, promptly opens the blinds, and begins a conversation with me.

"You just got your first big paycheck, right?"

I roll over, frowning into the sun that's streaming through the awful window. No building should be built with the majority of its doors and windows lying east and west. In the morning, there's too much sun. During the day, you're fine. And then, as the sun is setting, you can barely make out the screen on your television.

"No, Dad. I get paid this week."

"Okay. You need two new tires."

We've been dancing around the need for new tires for almost two years now. He'll tell me that I need new tires. Then, I'll put back the money for new tires. When the new tire time rolls around, he decides that I don't need new tires just yet.

Apparently, it's new tire time. It seems pretty convenient that he brings this up just about every time I come into some money.

He also mentions that my car insurance is due next month.

Now, I may be completely wrong, but I am pretty darn sure that I pay my car insurance every six months. He says we've always paid it quarterly. I think we can pay it quarterly and it would be cheaper, but I pay it bi-annually.

I do not want to shell out money for car insurance and new tires with my first paycheck. I was hoping to pay off some debt, buy some new clothes, take a road trip, or something.

But no. I will be paying for new tires and car insurance. Yippee skippee hooray.

* * *

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are engaged. They became engaged while visiting the Eiffel Tower.

Unfortunately, I believe that they have ruined the allure of the Eiffel Tower for me. I will most likely never look at the Eiffel Tower the same way ever again.

Thanks for ruining my life, TomKat. I hope you two weirdos enjoy a couple of months of wedded bliss before the Devil comes to claim the souls you gave up for two summer blockbusters.

Foul Mood

I'm in a very foul mood this afternoon. I attribute this foul mood to lack of sleep and a 50 hour work week.

I dropped three poker banks totalling 1200 dollars last night. Completely scattered poker chips all over the tiny room I'm locked in for 10 hours at a time. Spent the next forty-five minutes picking up the dropped poker chips.

I was not amused. I laughed at the time. But I was not amused. I was very mad at myself.

Then, I ran my tail off for two hours straight. All of a sudden, it's 1am and it's time to go. So, I balance my cash. I'm short. WAY short.

An hour later, after we figure out why my drawer is so short, I finally get to leave. Basically, I worked an 11 hour shift yesterday.

The money is good. But I don't know if the good pay outweighs the extreme tiredness I'm feeling after working 51 hours this week.

On a better note, Monday is fast approaching. I have a feeling that Monday will be my favorite day next week.

The Dangerous Life I Lead

Today was Gentlemen's Night at the Casino. You know what that means.

Yep. It means more old men dragging along their oxygen tanks in one hand and carrying a lit cigarette in the other.

No one seems to be worried about their well-being, which I find odd. Especially when at some point, we are all bound to be blown sky high by their negligent behavior.

I am going to die an early death because of some other person's stupidity.

Hardly seems fair.

Seeing the World

Yesterday was a day of firsts.

I saw a Starbucks for the first time.

I toured OU. I love it. I should have gone to school there. Just a truly gorgeous place. And this one room... oh! I fell in so much love with it. I could live in that room.

I slowdanced in the streets. True, I don't have much experience with slowdancing. But it was fantastic all the same!

I drove through a large city for the first time... completely solo.

I disobeyed my father. For the record, I'm sure I've done that before. But he didn't think I'd take my little road trip yesterday.

However, I'm glad I made the trip. I had a great time yesterday. A Knight took me out and showed me more of the World than I had seen in a long time.

Thank you, sir Knight.

* * *

And just for the record, my sister is crazy. She woke people up this morning so we could watch her in her little floaty pool that she bought. She wanted someone to watch her. She's crazy. And yesterday, she called me several times. She never calls me several times in one day.

She had to have been bored out of her mind to call me that often.

She is crazy. Not quite as crazy as Tom Cruise. But she is crazy. Sorry, sister.

Retraction

A comment was left by someone who wishes to remain anonymous. This someone is quite right. I didn't tell a someone that they didn't exist. I did indeed say that a someone shouldn't exist.

I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

* * *

Just got back from seeing Mr. & Mrs. Smith, which was all kinds of awesome. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were great together. They were so funny together... and their onscreen chemistry... !!

* * *

And there's something in the way you laugh,
It makes me feel like a child
Aspects of Life, they confuse me,
You and your thesis amuse me
After an afternoon with you....

Ramblings

I am worried. I am frightened by Tom Cruise. I'm afraid that he is off his rocker.

I wish that he was safely locked away somewhere. I don't like looking at Crazy Eyes.

* * *

I was getting gas for my Rory on the other side of Metropolis yesterday. This guy at the other pump looks at me and goes, "Hey, you work at the Casino!"

Um, yeah. But how do you know that? "Maybe."

"Well, can you get me my money back?"

Oh, you mean the money that is now lining my pockets in the form of my paycheck? No, I really don't think I can help you. "Sorry. I have no control in your financial dealings."

I don't know how he recognized me. It's not like I'm out there on the Casino floor. Ninety percent of the time, I'm locked away from the public.

* * *

Again. Tom Cruise is crazy.

* * *

I... told someone that they didn't exist last night. I don't know why I said that.

That wasn't very nice of me.

* * *

I want to see War of the Worlds, despite the crazy of Tom Cruise. But I am scared to see it by myself. Who will go with me?

I'm not going alone, like I did to see Revenge of the Sith. No. I do not think I could handle it by myself.

* * *

Why must people drive so slowly and behave with such stupidity? Can we not at least pretend that we have some sort of intelligence about us?

And why must people go crazy like Tom Cruise? I am scared for Katie Holmes. But she's been acting a little crazy herself.

Is this what happens? When you're in love, you go crazy? You jump on furniture and frighten talk show hosts? You go around with a crazy look in your eyes?

Interesting.

* * *

I jumped on Mom's bed today. Sorry Mom. You leave town and I jump on your bed.

Such is the way of life.

But you have a higher ceiling. Jumping on my bed is just plain dangerous. Only a Kamikaze would jump on my bed.

Or Tom Cruise.

* * *

I wish I could tesseract. I could go anywhere in the universe at the drop of a hat. So convenient. So enjoyable.

Think of the money you could save on gas.

Could start some world peace... this tesseract-ing.

* * *

Just because I jump on a bed... this does not make me crazy like Tom Cruise.

I enjoyed jumping on furniture before Tom Cruise professed his love for Katie Holmes by jumping on furniture.

I wanted to clear that up.

* * *


Build me up, buttercup
Don't break my heart...