Dear Small Town America....

You're driving me crazy.

Today, I go to the high school to see if I can pick up my transcript. Again, no one is there. And why is no one there? Because they've decided to remodel some things. Great. That's fabulous. I wish you would have told me this before you told me I could drop by any time to pick up my transcript.

The transcript was not available. Again.

Then, as I was driving back from the school, I notice that this family-run used car lot has a new roof. And on the roof, painted in big red letters, are the words : Jesus Is Coming Soon.

Now, while I don't doubt that Jesus will one day be returning to Earth, it's a little odd for this family to be proclaiming it from their rooftop. I don't know how things are in their heart of hearts, but from the image they project, I find it hard to take them seriously with their proclaimation.

I don't know how they live their lives behind closed doors. But I still find it odd. Whatever, though. Free country. You can do and say as you please. As long as you're within the limits of the law.

Some road construction was happening on the other main thoroughfare through town last week. This week, they've decided to put up signs announcing that the roads were being worked on.

However, it seems to me that they already did all the work they're going to do. And they did it all last week, when they didn't have these orange signs warning everyone of their intentions. It really doesn't make sense for them to be putting up these signs now.

There's a sign that reads: Loose Gravel, 35 M.P.H. Okay. Fine. Whatever. Except for the fact that there's no loose gravel on the highway. There's some huge piles of loose gravel off to one side of the highway, but not any actual loose gravel on the highway. And the piles of loose gravel are a decent distance from the road. So, unless they want families to slow down through that area and marvel at the scenery of loose, piled gravel, I don't know why the crud those signs are in place.

Oh. And another thing, Small Town America, utilize the blinkers on your vehicles! They are in place for you to communicate with other drivers that are sharing the road with you. That's right, sharing the road. Just because you're on the road, it does not mean that the road is yours to hog. Back off, Bubba.

And use your blinkers. If you decide to go over the top of a hill and turn off suddenly, how am I supposed to know what you're wanting to do? Am I supposed to use some clairvoyant powers to "see" what you wish to do?

Do you "see" that I want to shove my fist into your face for aggravating me after a ten-hour shift?

No. I didn't think so. So, please, use your blinkers and your brakes. Otherwise, my truck is going to run over your vehicle. It's as simple as that.