2008 In Review

Things I learned in 2008:

Health insurance isn't worth having if they refuse to pay for anything and everything.

People like to hide behind your vehicle when you're backing out of parking spaces at Target.

Hulu is awesome! You can watch all sorts of things on there legally. It's wonderful.

Twilight isn't as evil as I thought it would be. However, it is not a literary classic. If you think it is a literary classic, I suggest you visit a library or bookstore more frequently. Also, the movie is quite fun.

Our president-elect inspires hope in many people of various backgrounds, ages, ethnicities, and beliefs.

Dr. Horrible has a Ph.D. in Horribleness. He is truly very horrible and very awesome at the same time.

I can navigate myself through airports and travel on my own! Who knew?

Jason Mraz sounds even better when you travel ten hours to see him perform live.

Having a job can be both a blessing and a giant nuisance.

Living in a house that is in a safe neighborhood is mucho better than living in a duplex in a semi-slightly-scary neighborhood.

Brooklyn is a wonderful place to visit.

I have way too much music and I keep acquiring more music. It's a disease.

Governor Blagojevich is an arrogant fool.

When going to Nashville, it is imperative to pay attention to the highway signage in Little Rock. Otherwise, you'll end up in rice fields. And rice fields can be scary.

I am a very good house finder.

The Olympics are super fun. The summer Olympics are far superior to the winter Olympics. Also, Michael Phelps is fan-freakin'-tastic.

It is quite comical to throw one's shoes at a foe, especially if the foe is the President of the United States.

Jim proposed to Pam! Also, do not cross Phyllis.

Wisdom teeth do not carry wisdom and are extremely painful to have removed, especially when they're yanked from your jaw while you're still awake and can hear the pliers hitting your other teeth.

Natalies are good things to have around.

When regular people are drowning in their debt, they file bankruptcy. When companies and corporations have financial trouble, the government gives them taxpayer money to continue making stupid financial decisions.

There must be something in the water because most people I know either got married, had a baby, or are currently pregnant or engaged. Good thing my water is filtered. ;)

Amy Poehler + Seth Meyers = Pure genius.

ETA: Also, Tina Fey is amazing and freakin' hilarious. Someone awesome reminded me that watching Tina Fey as Sarah Palin was one of the best things to come out of the election. Thanks, Amb!

Twilighting

The Twilight saga is kind of something you can't ignore at this point. The fan response to the book series and the movie is unbelievably overwhelming. And I try to stay away from things that garner such a huge fan following. It is my experience that those things (books, television series, etc) usually end up hurting the fans, whether intentional or not. Therefore, I had decided not to read the books.

But I became curious as to what the books were like. I mean, I'd heard people declare the books to be literary masterpieces. And while I was sure that they couldn't be masterpieces, I thought it was prudent for me to read the books. When I started the first book, I hoped that I would not like the series. I knew that I wouldn't like the series.

However, I found out that Twilight wasn't bad. I actually liked it. It was not a literary masterpiece by any means, but it wasn't horrible. It was highly entertaining and I really enjoyed some of the characters. The writing bothered me stylistically in places, but it wasn't unbearable. The relationship between Bella and Edward reminded me a lot of the relationship between Max and Liz from the television series Roswell. I found myself very interested in the Cullen family and not a giant fan of Bella. She was okay, but I really found her to be irritating at times. I wanted to know more about the Cullens.

I eagerly tore into New Moon, only to face disappointment. I must clarify that the book wasn't horrible. It just... without going into too much detail, my favorite part of the series wasn't around enough for my liking. This made the book kind of tedious and boring for me. The end of the book was much better.

Eclipse was good from start to finish. It ended well and I was very pleased with the book. I have no complaints with book three.

And then, Breaking Dawn happened. For me, Stephenie Meyer's highly anticipated finale to the saga left much to be desired. Now, to be fair, the book started out okay. But things got pretty ridiculous incredibly fast. It was like reading some kind of crazy fan-fiction that was written by someone in the midst of an acid trip. Every page increased the level of absurdity and I came close to giving up the book altogether. But it killed me to stop reading a book after I'd fought my way through 370 pages. So, I kept reading. The book got a bit better, but it never reached the greatness of Twilight or Eclipse. In my opinion, I really think Meyer dropped the ball with Breaking Dawn. She should have ended the series with book three. The fourth book ruined the series for me.

This snippet from Entertainment Weekly's review of Breaking Dawn really sums up my feelings:

Here's a third possibility: You whip through Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse, then abruptly lose all patience with the franchise midway through Breaking Dawn, when Meyer takes her supernatural love story several bizarre steps too far.

I suppose I'm glad that I read the series because now I understand the appeal. I just really wish that I had stopped reading at the end of Eclipse. The last book was just too much for me.

I realize that many do not share my views on the series and that is okay. These views are just my opinion and are not meant to deter people from reading the books. But I would recommend stopping after Eclipse. Of course, that decision is entirely up to the reader.

I have read the rough draft of Midnight Sun that Stephenie Meyer has posted on her website. It's good. In fact, I think I might like it better than Twilight because I like Edward and the Cullen family in general. They're very interesting. I hope that she decides to continue Midnight Sun soon.

"If you don't vote, you're a moron!"

Craig Ferguson. Watch it.

You just proved ads work!

No, Mr. Sign. No, I did not just prove that advertisements work. Just because I glanced over to the side of the road and saw your big, obnoxious face leering at me does not mean that I proved anything. I didn't feel obligated to call your little 1-800 number. All I feel obligated to do is kick your in your stupid, plastic bench face.

And further more, I resent the fact that you assume that I proved that roadside advertisements like yourself work. You're only successful if you get someone to act on the advertisement, such as buying the product or calling the number. I have never called your slimy number nor do I plan to do so in the future. Therefore, it is presumptuous to say that signs work when, in fact, you do not know for certain that the sign had its intended effect.

So, please Mr. Sign. Take your lying and accusations away from here.

Ragamuffin Grass

Grass is not your friend. I enjoy the new neighborhood I live in. I enjoy feeling safe and secure in my home. I enjoy the quiet and friendly neighbors. All in all, it is a good thing.

However, living in an actual house comes with the unhappy task of yard-tending. Mowing the yard isn't horrible. In fact, it can often be enjoyable depending on the time of day and the amount of humidity in the air. It's nice to work out in the yard when you want to work out in the yard.

In a neighborhood where yards border one another and share grass for the most part, when one neighbor mows their yard, the other neighbors must follow suit. On our street, most of the neighbors mow their yard in a two day period.

We rarely mow our yard in the two days that are allotted to us by the unwritten rules of neighborhood living. Thus, our yard is left looking unruly and rambunctious compared to the other yards. Our grass shoots up a few inches over all the other grass. In short, our grass is ragamuffin grass.

However, I have come to the conclusion that our grass is not ragamuffin grass. It's perfectly normal grass. We've just moved into a neighborhood of freakin' overachievers. I wonder if all neighborhoods are like this. Full of overachievers who take pleasure in a well-manicured lawn so that they may spend the rest of their time discussing the wild yard at the end of the block.

Gosh darn overachievers. They freakin' ruin it for everyone.

On the Road Again!

On a recent road trip, the driver and I decide to search for a vehicle tag from every state. Although it would have been ideal to gather all 50 states, it was not feasible on a road trip that only spanned two states. Also, it'd be a freakin' miracle to get a view of an Alaskan or Hawaiian tag. In any case, here are our findings:

Alabama
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Nebraska
Nevada
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Virginia
Wisconsin

A total of 37 states! Plus, as a bonus, we saw two tags from Canada: Ontario and Quebec! Neato!

Stupider by the Second

I just had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing the Pussycat Dolls perform on tonight's episode of So You Think You Can Dance. And let me tell you, I can describe the performance in one word.

Abomination.

I lost IQ points by watching less than 30 seconds of their performance, if you can even call it a performance. I seriously could not work the remote. It was like I had never seen a remote before in my life. That is how detrimental the Pussycat Dolls are to brain cells. I had to watch end credits for some PBS show to restore my shriveling and dying brain cells.

Because of this recent experience, I have decided that if you watch the Pussycat Dolls, you do not value your brain cells.

Misheard Papayas

Why would a Vietnamese restaurant be called the Green Papaya? Are papayas a staple of Vietnamese cuisine? I just don't associate papayas with Vietnam. Therefore, I find this odd.

* * *

Isn't it particularly hilarious when you realize you've been singing the wrong lyrics to a song?

For example, for quite some time, I thought Elliott Yamin's song "Free" had a line mentioning a "genie unexplainable." While this sounded like utter nonsense, I just went with it because I thought it was something I just hadn't heard of yet.

The correct lyrics are "achieve the unexplainable."

Makes a lot more sense.

Or how about Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back"?? Up until very recently, I was fairly sure that the song talked about Rumpelstiltskin when, in fact, the song actually says "Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin." That has nothing to do with a fairytale character.

Then, there's Keith Urban's "You'll Think of Me." The song says to "take your cap and leave my sweater," which makes much more sense than what I thought, which was "take your cat and leave my sweater." Why would anyone leave their cat when they break up with someone? Or any animal, for that matter? I always thought it was so weird that he'd tell her to take her cat.

Also, my sister once enjoyed a song called "Sugar, We're Goin' Down." She wanted me to buy the album for her. I wouldn't because I thought the song said "loaded gun complex, cock it and pull it" and was certain that it promoted suicide! I absolutely would not buy the CD for her. I guess I owe both her and Pete Wentz an apology.

And apparently, Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" says "you had one eye on the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte" instead of "... as you watched yourself go by." I think my version sounds better. I had to google gavotte
to even know what the heck it means! I bet most people sing this one wrong. I shouldn't even count it as one I sing jabberwonky.

I think the most embarrassing might be the one I realized earlier today. I enjoy the B-52s from time to time. However, I do not enjoy that I've been singing "Roam" wrong my entire life. Instead of singing "roam if you want to, roam around the world," I've been singing: "Whoa, Gypsy wa-hoooooooo, walk around the world!"

I seriously don't even know how I came to think those lyrics were correct. I am an idiot.

Be Healed!

My best friend has shown me these people that heal people in the name of the Lord. These people are televangelists of some sort and they call out diseases and ailments that are affecting someone somewhere. Once the person says it, the afflicted will be healed if they (the afflicted) "claim" the healing. I don't know the whole story behind it or what is exactly going on, but I just watched it on TBN.

This older male individual sat on a couch and called out all kinds of things: migraines, cancer, arthritis, osteoporosis, etc. He knew that someone out there needed healing and by his calling out the ailment in the name of the Lord, the Lord will heal the ailing person.

You know, I can't even write anything about what I saw because I am completely disturbed by it. So disturbed that I can't even form coherent thoughts on the subject.

They need to stop what they're doing because it isn't right. They are taking advantage of people that are looking for leadership and guidance. Any number of people could be afflicted with the diseases and ailments he rattles off in an out of control manner, like he's having an epileptic fit or something. People are out there in the world, believing that they are now healed because this one person pointed out his or her illness to the Lord and brought it to God's attention. More often than not, this will lead to disappointment on the part of the sick individual because they will feel as though God has not helped them nor healed them. It's just wrong.

It's just wrong.

Weddings Give Me Anxiety

Anxiety that manifests itself each night in my dreams

My sister is getting married in September. For the last month, I have had at least one nightmarish dream involving her wedding. For example, in one, it was the night before the wedding and we had nothing ready. All we had was the bride's dress. No decorations, no clothing for the rest of the wedding party, no cake, no venue... It was terrible. All of the dreams involve some sort of aspect about the wedding. A ruined dress, a lost bride, etc.

I think last night's dream takes the cake.

In the dream, it was the night before the wedding. My car was broken for some reason. It just wasn't working. Then, I realized that my bridesmaid dress was at my parents' house and I had no way to get to the dress. I decide that I'm going to walk to their house and get the dress. This is when I discover that I have no shoes whatsoever. No shoes for the wedding, no shoes for anything.

So, I begin my journey barefoot. I get out in the yard and step in some glass. Both of my feet are torn up with glass shards. So, I hobble as gently as possible back into the house. As I get into the living room, I see an alligator hiding beneath the couch. I walk past the couch and he flips the couch over with his tail and begins to come after me!

Because of all the glass in my feet, I'm unable to properly get away. Instead, I climb in the nearest kitchen cabinet and pray that the alligator cannot get me as I pull glass out of my feet while sitting in complete darkness.

I have NO idea where this dream came from or how it came to be. My only guess is that I had milk and cookies before bed and they contributed to the cracked out, craziness of the dream.

Anyhow, weddings give me anxiety. I don't know if I'll last until the wedding.

Damaged. Horribly damaged.

On the night of April 9th, my dear friend and road-trip buddy Susie was injured. A nice little storm of death blew through the area, and while my own car received some damage, Susie received much much more than my car did. After Susie met with the insurance adjuster, it was decided that she was, in fact, a totaled vehicle. Poor Susie has but a few, short days with us before they take her away forever.

And by they, I mean them.

I don't have any better pictures of Susie in order to create a proper memorial. All I have are the pictures of her as damaged goods. These will have to do.






We've made some great memories together, Suz. I'll miss you.

Why Walk When You Can Skate?

I dislike wheel-bearing shoes. Shoes that enable one to roll about on the ground or floor? They should be kept outside or in a specially designed rink. When I was a kid, we skated outside or at a skating rink. Not inside. When did it become socially acceptable to wear skates indoors for no good reason? Should they be allowed in department stores, malls, or supermarkets? Little skinny no.

These shoes (I've been told that they are actually called "Heelys") are an absolute menace to society. They are dangerous. Just from personal experience, I've nearly been run over about ten different times because of these demon shoes. They deserve some sort of alarm system in order to warn unsuspecting individuals that a small body is rocketing towards them at an unnecessary speed.

And really--why do children need to be on skates at all times? How often is it imperative for a child to move so quickly that walking and running would be too slow?

I understand that the shoes enable kids to be "cool" and such, much like those light-up shoes from my youth. 99% of the children I have encountered with the wheel shoes run into people willy-nilly and keep on going without so much as shouting out a "I'm-sorry-I-knocked-you-down-with-my-wheels-of-death-and-
overall-rudeness!"

When they're used in the right areas, they're fine. However, when they're worn in a crowded public area, they are ridiculous and often injurious to innocent bystanders.

Did You Know?

Did you know that it is illegal to laugh in Hawaii after 10p.m.?




Did you know that if I lived in Hawaii, I'd spend most of my life in jail or paying fines?




Now, you know.

Eureka!

I am a genius.

A fantastic, wonderful genius.

I have conquered the wireless internet after a four hour battle. But I have prevailed!

And now, I shall go to bed.

For the record: I'm back. Watch this space for rants. I am so full of rants that my eyes weep rambles and rants every five minutes.

True story.

Ellen Wrenches

Why are Allen wrenches dubbed Allen wrenches? These are things I ponder while putting together end tables.

Upon investigation, I learned that they were first patented by some Allen Manufacturing Company in the 40s. However, I still maintain that they should not be named Allen wrenches. They look more like the letter L. Therefore, they should be Ellen wrenches.

That is all.