Bananas. B.A.N.A.N.A.S

Since I first heard Gwen Stefani's latest song, I have been searching for ways to temporarily become deaf to keep me from hearing such trash. However, I have been without luck thus far.

Now, I don't dislike Gwen Stefani. In fact, I very much enjoy her, especially when she's with No Doubt. What I don't enjoy is this ludicrous song one might hear on the playground being sung by a 36 year old. I understand that she's catering to her audience. I also know that she can do a lot better than Hollaback Girl.

Let's take a look at what Gwen has given us to work with:

Uh huh, this is my shit
All the girls stomp your feet like this

A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna to happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl

Okay. Apparently, her "shit" involves using improper grammar and made-up words. What exactly is a "hollaback" girl? I looked in several dictionaries and could not find the meaning of this word. Is it slang for "holler-back" girl? Of course, if it is, it is still not a word and it still doesn't make sense.

Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit

Again, she's talking about her "shit." That's fine. But if this song is
geared to a younger audience, I think she can come up with some other word
besides "shit."

I heard that you were talking shit
And you didn't think that I would hear it
People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up
So I'm ready to attack, gonna take you out
That's right, put your pom-poms downs, getting everybody fired up

Fine. People are talking about you behind your back. Wah. It happens every single day. And you, dear Gwen, probably talk "shit" about other people as well. Someone called you a name today? Well, that's not fair! What can we do? I know! Let's make up a song that encourages violence. I mean, that's the one thing the world doesn't have enough of, right? Violence?

No principals, no student-teachers
All the boys want to be the winner, but there can only be one
So I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all
Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you
That's right I'm the last one standing, another one bites the dust

Okay. So, she's going to meet her enemy behind the bleachers and she's going to kick butt! Yippee skippy hooray for you. What I absolutely hate about this verse is that she uses a line from one of the best bands ever. If you're going to use a lyric from Queen, can you at least use it in a manner befitting such royalty? A lyric from one of the greatest rock bands ever, and it's lost in a pile of crap! I bet, somewhere, Freddie Mercury is spinning in his grave.

Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This shit is bananas)
(B-A-N-A-N-A-S)

That little mess right there drives me insane. This shit is bananas? Whoever heard of "shit" being "bananas"? And why use bananas? Is she trying to keep her song clean? She's already repeatedly used "shit", so why use "bananas"? What's the deal with spelling it out? I mean, I'm thankful that she's produced a mnemonic device to help people remember the proper spelling of "bananas", but honestly? This shit is bananas? Does she really expect to be taken seriously as an artist when she goes around saying This shit is bananas?

* * * *

Another reason why I hate my hometown:

I was filling in for my sister at the local grocery store. A group of rowdy children came through my line, along with their mother, who was about to pull her hair out. After they left, I turned to the bag boy, and muttered, "And that is a perfect example of why the human race shouldn't procreate."

The look on Bag Boy's face told me that I had confused him somehow. "What? You're losing me with your big words."

I quickly thought back over what I had said. Had I used an obscure word that he might not have heard during his lifetime? No, they all seemed pretty easy to me. So, I ask, "What are you talking about?"

"Procreate! What does that mean?"

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect example of why the human race shouldn't procreate.