This will be random. You have been warned.
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I graduated(!) with my M.L.I.S. in May 2011. I am so pumped! I'll be more pumped when I get the actual diploma, but I'll live until then, I suppose.
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Summer reading programs take a lot of work to prepare and implement. I see lots of kiddos and teens each week and I hope to see more as the summer progresses. I love my job, but I do have a question: Does anyone know how many calories are burned while performing a story time?
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I love watching So You Think You Can Dance. It makes me want to dance, even though I cannot. Well, I can dance, but it isn't pretty. Anyhow, last week's results show really irritated me. To send NO ONE home when some of the solos of the bottom three couples seriously sucked? That's ridiculous. And now that four are going home next week, we'll probably lose someone really great. Blah. Why do I even watch these shows?!
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I started this blog in 2005 for no better reason than to rant and rave to no one at all, but it seems that I now have followers. I'm not sure what this means and I'm not sure if the so-called followers really read the blog or just found something interesting once and saved it for later. I don't really get the followers thing. But if you are following, hello to you and comment on things if you like. Some of the older posts are particularly humorous and crack me up when I need a good laugh. However, for the most part, this thing is rarely updated because I don't want to say anything work-related that may get me fired.
A few years back, my mother had a blog where she commented on work things and she was fired for it, even though there was NOTHING in her employer's policies that prohibited the blogging about work things. So now I censor myself on a day-to-day basis, which REALLY infuriates me because I am a librarian and we are against the censoring of things as a whole. Free speech and all that jazz. Free speech doesn't help you much in a state of at-will employment.
I sometimes wonder if I moved to a different area of the United States if I would have to censor myself so much. Sometimes, it seems certain areas are more encouraging of speaking your mind than others.
Anyway.
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I really LOVE the new Foo Fighters album. It's awesome. Sometimes I take it out of my car's cd player to listen to something else but I always put it back in within 24 hours. I can't get over it. I love it.
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I hate road signs that say "Speed Zone Ahead." There's no speeding up in a speed zone, which is what my brain thinks should happen. No, it's actually a reduction of speed that it supposed to take place. Shouldn't the signs say "Reduced Speed Ahead" instead? I know such signs exist or existed at one time. "Speed Zone Ahead" is not logical.
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I love my niece. She is the greatest. She makes me laugh. After a long battle, I have finally gotten her to say "You got it, dude!" in her cute, nearly 2 year old voice. What can I make her say next?
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The end. :D
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Saturday, June 18
Friday, December 31
Tuesday, October 26
Society = Fail
From The Advocate: School Official Wants Gays Dead
The article details the Facebook ramblings of a school official in the Midland School District in Western Arkansas. Clint McCance railed against the call to wear purple to support LGBT youth and the recent suicides that has been rocked the LGBT community and the world at large. His response is that the only way he would wear purple is if ALL homosexuals committed suicide. He goes on to comment that wearing purple honors their deaths, which are a sin, and honors that they killed themselves BECAUSE of who they are, which is also a sin.
Wow. He completely missed the impact of the recent suicides. Those children felt alienated for being THEMSELVES. They were BULLIED by their peers. We should remember that we ALL have feelings, whether we are gay, straight, black, white, green, purple, or red. Someone may not be like us... may be different than ourselves. This is no reason to ostracize someone. Our differences should be celebrated not attacked.
Those kids didn't commit suicide because they were homosexual. They committed suicide because they were bullied. Because they felt alone, like they had no one on their side. We, as a people, should be more tolerant and accepting of others. We can't fix every thing or everyone. We can't prevent every suicide. But we FAIL as a society when individuals are committing suicide because they are bullied by their peers.
To anyone who has been thinking of committing suicide: Don't. Things can and WILL get better. But things can't get better for YOU if you're not here to witness it. Hold your head up high and keep moving forward. As Robert Frost said: "The best way out is always through."
The through is rarely easy. But the getting there? Through the through? You will be stronger than you ever imagined.
It Gets Better.
The article details the Facebook ramblings of a school official in the Midland School District in Western Arkansas. Clint McCance railed against the call to wear purple to support LGBT youth and the recent suicides that has been rocked the LGBT community and the world at large. His response is that the only way he would wear purple is if ALL homosexuals committed suicide. He goes on to comment that wearing purple honors their deaths, which are a sin, and honors that they killed themselves BECAUSE of who they are, which is also a sin.
Wow. He completely missed the impact of the recent suicides. Those children felt alienated for being THEMSELVES. They were BULLIED by their peers. We should remember that we ALL have feelings, whether we are gay, straight, black, white, green, purple, or red. Someone may not be like us... may be different than ourselves. This is no reason to ostracize someone. Our differences should be celebrated not attacked.
Those kids didn't commit suicide because they were homosexual. They committed suicide because they were bullied. Because they felt alone, like they had no one on their side. We, as a people, should be more tolerant and accepting of others. We can't fix every thing or everyone. We can't prevent every suicide. But we FAIL as a society when individuals are committing suicide because they are bullied by their peers.
To anyone who has been thinking of committing suicide: Don't. Things can and WILL get better. But things can't get better for YOU if you're not here to witness it. Hold your head up high and keep moving forward. As Robert Frost said: "The best way out is always through."
The through is rarely easy. But the getting there? Through the through? You will be stronger than you ever imagined.
It Gets Better.
Tuesday, June 1
That Was Then, This Is Now
And yet so many things are the same. This report is several days old and is from Rachel Maddow at MSNBC. It brings to light a similar Gulf oil spill by a related company in 1979. For almost 10 months, the well leaked oil into the Gulf. Nothing could stop it -- none of the techniques being used now worked then, either. And the 1979 well was only in 200 feet of water! The only thing that stopped the leak was a relief well.
History repeats itself because we don't learn from our mistakes. When will we ever learn to take note of things that happen and strive to keep those things from ever happening again? Shouldn't we be focusing our efforts on building a relief well instead of trying a top kill or throwing garbage at something environmentally devastating?
History repeats itself because we don't learn from our mistakes. When will we ever learn to take note of things that happen and strive to keep those things from ever happening again? Shouldn't we be focusing our efforts on building a relief well instead of trying a top kill or throwing garbage at something environmentally devastating?
Tuesday, May 25
Disgusted Does Not Even Cover It
It is absolutely disgusting to me that male individuals that I graduated high school with (and some older) are partying it up with underage females that mean a lot to me. It is more than disgusting. It is so much more than disgusting that there needs to be a new word invented. Pictures of underage females drinking alcoholic beverages while an older male individual has his tongue stuck out near her breast REALLY makes me angry AND ill. To see these images posted by the underage female on social networking sites makes me want to gag. Everyone in the situation knows better, but if you're in your mid-to-late 20's and spend your time helping underage individuals get drunk and whatnot rather than hanging out with people of your own age (or older), you need to reevaluate your life because it is in a sorry, sorry state. You DEFINITELY know better and if you have trouble maintaining boundaries in group settings, you need to remove yourself from such settings.
I understand the need to cut loose and drink and hang out with your friends and non-friends. Whatever. That doesn't bother me. When it comes to doing all of the above with underage females, I have more than a little trouble attempting to understand your actions.
I don't know why I give people so much credit. Of any age.
I understand the need to cut loose and drink and hang out with your friends and non-friends. Whatever. That doesn't bother me. When it comes to doing all of the above with underage females, I have more than a little trouble attempting to understand your actions.
I don't know why I give people so much credit. Of any age.
Friday, April 2
Public domain does not give permission to slaugther a classic!
I have voiced my opinion of Seth Grahame-Smith's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies on many occasions. I. Hate. It. I haven't read the book nor do I have plans to read the book because I consider it an abomination against the wonderfulness that is Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.
Not long after the release of Zombies, the same company released a new version of another Jane Austen work, Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. Why a company or an author feels it is necessary to pair greatness with something as out-of-left-field as zombies or sea monsters (especially when Sense and Sensibility takes place inland and not near the sea!) is beyond me. It is truly beyond the beyonds.
People tell me that I should give Zombies a shot. That it is actually pretty funny. And some individuals make the argument that books like Zombies are opening up Austen's works to a new generation. But, truthfully, if this is the only way to get newer generations interested in Jane Austen, I'd rather no one else read her.
For an assignment, I had to evaluate selection tools in choosing materials for collection development. I found an intriguing article in Newsweek regarding the apparent disrespect of these new turns on Austen's works: "Not-So-Plain Jane". The following quote by the article's author Sarah Ball nicely sums up my feelings toward these awful mash-ups of literary classics.
And don't get me started on the insanity of Abraham Lincoln as a vampire hunter. Like he had time to hunt vampires. His great height would have made him a horrible vampire hunter. Vampires could have leveled him easily. Come on, people!
Not long after the release of Zombies, the same company released a new version of another Jane Austen work, Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. Why a company or an author feels it is necessary to pair greatness with something as out-of-left-field as zombies or sea monsters (especially when Sense and Sensibility takes place inland and not near the sea!) is beyond me. It is truly beyond the beyonds.
People tell me that I should give Zombies a shot. That it is actually pretty funny. And some individuals make the argument that books like Zombies are opening up Austen's works to a new generation. But, truthfully, if this is the only way to get newer generations interested in Jane Austen, I'd rather no one else read her.
For an assignment, I had to evaluate selection tools in choosing materials for collection development. I found an intriguing article in Newsweek regarding the apparent disrespect of these new turns on Austen's works: "Not-So-Plain Jane". The following quote by the article's author Sarah Ball nicely sums up my feelings toward these awful mash-ups of literary classics.
"These books are objectionable because they strike out Austen's greatest contributions—seething satire, brilliant language, critique of classism—while helping themselves to the benefits of her name brand."
And don't get me started on the insanity of Abraham Lincoln as a vampire hunter. Like he had time to hunt vampires. His great height would have made him a horrible vampire hunter. Vampires could have leveled him easily. Come on, people!
Monday, February 8
Tired
This is going to sound ugly or inconsiderate, but I am tired of hearing about Hurricane Katrina and New Orleans. Saints fans feel as though this Super Bowl win has finally changed their luck or started to make things better after the disaster that struck in 2005.
People of New Orleans, I have six words for you: You. Live. Mostly. Below. Sea. Level. Below sea level! And your city borders the Gulf of Mexico, which is a hot bed of hurricane activity many months of each year. You have to take into account that a hurricane could come along and devastate your area. So, because you voluntarily live in New Orleans, you should make emergency plans in the event of a hurricane. Additionally, because you voluntarily live in a city that is at or below sea level and that borders the Gulf, you accept the danger of hurricanes. So, buck up, rebuild, and MOVE ON!
People that live in Tornado Alley seem to accept that tornadoes are going to happen. And after a tornado does happen, the people get out, clean up, rebuild, and go on with their lives. You don't hear them whining about it all over television or making remarks of how a sports team's win finally puts the area back on the map and/or rejuvenates the city/area.
So, people of New Orleans, while you're out in the streets celebrating Mardi Gras this month, take a moment to assess your surroundings. Stop whining about your hurricane woes. If you're going to continue to utilize this "Oh, poor pitiful us! We were trampled by a hurricane!" routine, I'm going to have to request that you move to higher ground and that the United States close all of New Orleans for good.
The end.
ETA: I am sorry that your city was obliterated and that many people died and are still missing. But stop complaining. And move somewhere else.
People of New Orleans, I have six words for you: You. Live. Mostly. Below. Sea. Level. Below sea level! And your city borders the Gulf of Mexico, which is a hot bed of hurricane activity many months of each year. You have to take into account that a hurricane could come along and devastate your area. So, because you voluntarily live in New Orleans, you should make emergency plans in the event of a hurricane. Additionally, because you voluntarily live in a city that is at or below sea level and that borders the Gulf, you accept the danger of hurricanes. So, buck up, rebuild, and MOVE ON!
People that live in Tornado Alley seem to accept that tornadoes are going to happen. And after a tornado does happen, the people get out, clean up, rebuild, and go on with their lives. You don't hear them whining about it all over television or making remarks of how a sports team's win finally puts the area back on the map and/or rejuvenates the city/area.
So, people of New Orleans, while you're out in the streets celebrating Mardi Gras this month, take a moment to assess your surroundings. Stop whining about your hurricane woes. If you're going to continue to utilize this "Oh, poor pitiful us! We were trampled by a hurricane!" routine, I'm going to have to request that you move to higher ground and that the United States close all of New Orleans for good.
The end.
ETA: I am sorry that your city was obliterated and that many people died and are still missing. But stop complaining. And move somewhere else.
Wednesday, January 6
I Really Don't Know About Some People... Pt 2
Bear Grylls. We've met previously. However, you have pushed the Holy-Moly-Oh-No-He-Didn't factor to new heights. I seriously do not know what to do or think about you. I mean, I thought you were completely off your rocker when you drank elephant poo juice, but this new survival technique really takes the cake. Giving yourself an nasty sea water-filled enema on a raft in the Pacific ocean is too much. In fact, the "too much" line was crossed about 80 million miles back (especially when you factor in that the water was filled with bird droppings!!) and yet you continue to soldier on.
I realize that you're trying to teach people a lesson and you even referenced a family that survived a lost-at-sea situation by hydrating via enema. And it's great if that is what you need to do. But, seeing as how you are being followed by a camera on a separate raft (or large ship-like boat), how can you really claim that the enema was something you needed?
You can't. And really, I think you have a strong obsession with poo. You're either drinking poo juice or shooting poo-filled water up your arse.
Honestly, you could have just described the general mechanics of an at-sea enema instead of actually performing one on yourself. I don't know why you felt the urge to bare your buttocks and shoot poo-filled water up your arse in the middle of the ocean while a person filmed you. You baffle me. I can't begin to comprehend your ways, Bear.
Please refrain from doing things like this in the future. I don't want to mention anything Bear-related ever again.
I realize that you're trying to teach people a lesson and you even referenced a family that survived a lost-at-sea situation by hydrating via enema. And it's great if that is what you need to do. But, seeing as how you are being followed by a camera on a separate raft (or large ship-like boat), how can you really claim that the enema was something you needed?
You can't. And really, I think you have a strong obsession with poo. You're either drinking poo juice or shooting poo-filled water up your arse.
Honestly, you could have just described the general mechanics of an at-sea enema instead of actually performing one on yourself. I don't know why you felt the urge to bare your buttocks and shoot poo-filled water up your arse in the middle of the ocean while a person filmed you. You baffle me. I can't begin to comprehend your ways, Bear.
Please refrain from doing things like this in the future. I don't want to mention anything Bear-related ever again.
Tuesday, April 14
For me for you, dawg & other things
Dear Randy Jackson:
I do not enjoy your vocabulary in general (really, how many times can one person call someone else "dawg" in one night?). But your "for me for you" phrase really drives me insane.
Also, your critique of Kris Allen's performance tonight was ridiculous. Were you even listening to the same song? I'm even more disappointed in you because, for the first time all season, I had to agree with Kara. Kara, who looks around for approval for everything she says! I had to agree with her because you, dawg, really screwed the pooch on this one.
And how did you not enjoy Matt's performance? You thought it was pitchy all over the place? What is that? Is your hearing okay? I don't even know what to do with you.
Just stop saying "for me for you" and limit your "dawg"s to five a night. Otherwise, we are not friends.
Oh, who am I kidding? We were never friends. Simon's my favorite judge by far.
* * *
Dear Lil Rounds:
Stop singing songs that make you sound sucky. Blech. How have you made it this far?
* * *
Dear Burger King:
What is the deal with the new commercial featuring the Burger King King and Spongebob Squarepants? Take that crap off television. I'll give you three reasons:
1. The Burger King King is creepy. He does not make want a Whopper, Jr. meal. In fact, when I see him on the television, I try to stay away from Burger King for a few weeks.
2. Spongebob Squarepants may get little kids all excited, and a I realize that the commercial is geared towards kiddos, but it does not necessarily make their parents more inclined to go to the nearest BK for a meal. If I had kids, I would not be taking them to Burger King for the simple fact that BK has paired the BK King and Spongebob Squarepants, two of the most ridiculous characters in the history of ridiculous characters.
3. It's the freakin' Burger King King. Some grown-up personage in a polyester suit and a plastic face. Plastic faces often belong in horror films. You know why? Because they are creepy!!
* * *
Dear Universe:
Slow down with the time speedage. I need more hours in the day to do things that are semi-important and to (most importantly!) sleep.
Thank you.
I do not enjoy your vocabulary in general (really, how many times can one person call someone else "dawg" in one night?). But your "for me for you" phrase really drives me insane.
Also, your critique of Kris Allen's performance tonight was ridiculous. Were you even listening to the same song? I'm even more disappointed in you because, for the first time all season, I had to agree with Kara. Kara, who looks around for approval for everything she says! I had to agree with her because you, dawg, really screwed the pooch on this one.
And how did you not enjoy Matt's performance? You thought it was pitchy all over the place? What is that? Is your hearing okay? I don't even know what to do with you.
Just stop saying "for me for you" and limit your "dawg"s to five a night. Otherwise, we are not friends.
Oh, who am I kidding? We were never friends. Simon's my favorite judge by far.
* * *
Dear Lil Rounds:
Stop singing songs that make you sound sucky. Blech. How have you made it this far?
* * *
Dear Burger King:
What is the deal with the new commercial featuring the Burger King King and Spongebob Squarepants? Take that crap off television. I'll give you three reasons:
1. The Burger King King is creepy. He does not make want a Whopper, Jr. meal. In fact, when I see him on the television, I try to stay away from Burger King for a few weeks.
2. Spongebob Squarepants may get little kids all excited, and a I realize that the commercial is geared towards kiddos, but it does not necessarily make their parents more inclined to go to the nearest BK for a meal. If I had kids, I would not be taking them to Burger King for the simple fact that BK has paired the BK King and Spongebob Squarepants, two of the most ridiculous characters in the history of ridiculous characters.
3. It's the freakin' Burger King King. Some grown-up personage in a polyester suit and a plastic face. Plastic faces often belong in horror films. You know why? Because they are creepy!!
* * *
Dear Universe:
Slow down with the time speedage. I need more hours in the day to do things that are semi-important and to (most importantly!) sleep.
Thank you.
Saturday, February 28
Dear Weather
What the eff? I know I ask this question all the time, but when I don't receive an answer, the question still continues to exist. Therefore, I ask you: how hard it is to choose a season and stick with it?
Seasons don't last terribly long. Three months or so. Can't you decide to be cool and mild for two seasons, cold and dreary for one season and hot as hell for one season? Isn't really that hard to be consistent?
For example, let's reflect on the temperatures of the last two days. Yesterday, the high was 70 degrees or thereabouts. 70 degrees is pretty warm for February. Today, the temperature is a more winter-esque 30 degrees. For the numerically challenged, that's a 40 degree drop in temperature in a 24 hour period, which is ridiculous. How is one supposed to be prepared for the day when you, Madame Weather, change your mind and freeze the heck up?
I've heard that this area is one of the hardest areas to predict weather. They also say that, around here, if you don't like the weather, stick around for a few days because the weather can change overnight. And 30 degree weather is fine for February. It's usually expected. However, 70 degrees is not okay for February and is thus not expected. Please refrain from busting out 70 degree temperatures until mid-March.
And please, for the love of Doogie Howser, make up your mind and stick with a season for once! This back and forth pull really wears a person out. It also stirs up all the gunk in the air making people sick and icky. The constant change in temperature and precipitation never allows people adequate time to acclimate themselves to the new change. It's quite frustrating and I wish you'd stop.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know you have other things to do, such as deciding which temperature range to bounce around in tomorrow.
Sincerely yours,
Freezing Her Toes Off in Arklahoma
Seasons don't last terribly long. Three months or so. Can't you decide to be cool and mild for two seasons, cold and dreary for one season and hot as hell for one season? Isn't really that hard to be consistent?
For example, let's reflect on the temperatures of the last two days. Yesterday, the high was 70 degrees or thereabouts. 70 degrees is pretty warm for February. Today, the temperature is a more winter-esque 30 degrees. For the numerically challenged, that's a 40 degree drop in temperature in a 24 hour period, which is ridiculous. How is one supposed to be prepared for the day when you, Madame Weather, change your mind and freeze the heck up?
I've heard that this area is one of the hardest areas to predict weather. They also say that, around here, if you don't like the weather, stick around for a few days because the weather can change overnight. And 30 degree weather is fine for February. It's usually expected. However, 70 degrees is not okay for February and is thus not expected. Please refrain from busting out 70 degree temperatures until mid-March.
And please, for the love of Doogie Howser, make up your mind and stick with a season for once! This back and forth pull really wears a person out. It also stirs up all the gunk in the air making people sick and icky. The constant change in temperature and precipitation never allows people adequate time to acclimate themselves to the new change. It's quite frustrating and I wish you'd stop.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know you have other things to do, such as deciding which temperature range to bounce around in tomorrow.
Sincerely yours,
Freezing Her Toes Off in Arklahoma
Monday, January 5
Letter to the Owner of a Maroon Eclipse
Dear Maroon Eclipse Owner,
If someone had told me earlier today that I would spend 45 minutes waiting behind you in your maroon Eclipse at the commercial window of the bank's drive-in, I would have cackled in their general direction. Who spends 45 minutes at a bank drive-in? No one! A bank drive-in is there to make things more convenient for the customers. You may have to wait ten minutes or so, but then you deposit your money and you're on your way. Easy peasy.
This was what I thought before I met you. No more! Because you felt the need to hoard your business deposits for the last three months, I was forced to sit behind you and wait for 45 minutes. And because of the people coming in and waiting behind me, I couldn't move and had to sit there for the entire 45 minutes. 45 minutes! It truly boggles the mind.
Truthfully, I didn't need those 45 minutes. It's not like I had anywhere I really needed to be. I wanted to get to a store before it closed and, thanks to your benevolence, I was able to get to the store with ten minutes to spare. So, no, I really didn't need that almost hour of my life that you stole.
Do you want to know what I did while exiled in my car for 45 minutes? I spent the time wondering what the hell you were doing and what your freakin' problem was. Thankfully, the bank employees told me that you are a fruitcake who doesn't make regular bank deposits. Of course, they didn't call you a fruitcake (that was one of my nicer words describing you), but they did tell me to get mad at you instead of them. Which leads me to a side note: lobbies of main bank branches should stay open until at least 5 p.m. Closing at 4 p.m. is stupid and ridiculous. Have freakin' regular business hours! You're the main branch of a fairly large bank. I KNOW you've got the money to stay open the extra hour. You're flippin' lazy. Why anyone does business with you I will never understand.
In any case, Maroon Eclipse Owner, I hope you enjoyed monopolizing the commercial window more than I enjoyed waiting on your stupidity to get the eff out of my way. Thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.
And, yes, that was my roommate that honked at you on the street.
If someone had told me earlier today that I would spend 45 minutes waiting behind you in your maroon Eclipse at the commercial window of the bank's drive-in, I would have cackled in their general direction. Who spends 45 minutes at a bank drive-in? No one! A bank drive-in is there to make things more convenient for the customers. You may have to wait ten minutes or so, but then you deposit your money and you're on your way. Easy peasy.
This was what I thought before I met you. No more! Because you felt the need to hoard your business deposits for the last three months, I was forced to sit behind you and wait for 45 minutes. And because of the people coming in and waiting behind me, I couldn't move and had to sit there for the entire 45 minutes. 45 minutes! It truly boggles the mind.
Truthfully, I didn't need those 45 minutes. It's not like I had anywhere I really needed to be. I wanted to get to a store before it closed and, thanks to your benevolence, I was able to get to the store with ten minutes to spare. So, no, I really didn't need that almost hour of my life that you stole.
Do you want to know what I did while exiled in my car for 45 minutes? I spent the time wondering what the hell you were doing and what your freakin' problem was. Thankfully, the bank employees told me that you are a fruitcake who doesn't make regular bank deposits. Of course, they didn't call you a fruitcake (that was one of my nicer words describing you), but they did tell me to get mad at you instead of them. Which leads me to a side note: lobbies of main bank branches should stay open until at least 5 p.m. Closing at 4 p.m. is stupid and ridiculous. Have freakin' regular business hours! You're the main branch of a fairly large bank. I KNOW you've got the money to stay open the extra hour. You're flippin' lazy. Why anyone does business with you I will never understand.
In any case, Maroon Eclipse Owner, I hope you enjoyed monopolizing the commercial window more than I enjoyed waiting on your stupidity to get the eff out of my way. Thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.
And, yes, that was my roommate that honked at you on the street.
Monday, July 21
You just proved ads work!
No, Mr. Sign. No, I did not just prove that advertisements work. Just because I glanced over to the side of the road and saw your big, obnoxious face leering at me does not mean that I proved anything. I didn't feel obligated to call your little 1-800 number. All I feel obligated to do is kick your in your stupid, plastic bench face.
And further more, I resent the fact that you assume that I proved that roadside advertisements like yourself work. You're only successful if you get someone to act on the advertisement, such as buying the product or calling the number. I have never called your slimy number nor do I plan to do so in the future. Therefore, it is presumptuous to say that signs work when, in fact, you do not know for certain that the sign had its intended effect.
So, please Mr. Sign. Take your lying and accusations away from here.
And further more, I resent the fact that you assume that I proved that roadside advertisements like yourself work. You're only successful if you get someone to act on the advertisement, such as buying the product or calling the number. I have never called your slimy number nor do I plan to do so in the future. Therefore, it is presumptuous to say that signs work when, in fact, you do not know for certain that the sign had its intended effect.
So, please Mr. Sign. Take your lying and accusations away from here.
Sunday, July 6
Ragamuffin Grass
Grass is not your friend. I enjoy the new neighborhood I live in. I enjoy feeling safe and secure in my home. I enjoy the quiet and friendly neighbors. All in all, it is a good thing.
However, living in an actual house comes with the unhappy task of yard-tending. Mowing the yard isn't horrible. In fact, it can often be enjoyable depending on the time of day and the amount of humidity in the air. It's nice to work out in the yard when you want to work out in the yard.
In a neighborhood where yards border one another and share grass for the most part, when one neighbor mows their yard, the other neighbors must follow suit. On our street, most of the neighbors mow their yard in a two day period.
We rarely mow our yard in the two days that are allotted to us by the unwritten rules of neighborhood living. Thus, our yard is left looking unruly and rambunctious compared to the other yards. Our grass shoots up a few inches over all the other grass. In short, our grass is ragamuffin grass.
However, I have come to the conclusion that our grass is not ragamuffin grass. It's perfectly normal grass. We've just moved into a neighborhood of freakin' overachievers. I wonder if all neighborhoods are like this. Full of overachievers who take pleasure in a well-manicured lawn so that they may spend the rest of their time discussing the wild yard at the end of the block.
Gosh darn overachievers. They freakin' ruin it for everyone.
However, living in an actual house comes with the unhappy task of yard-tending. Mowing the yard isn't horrible. In fact, it can often be enjoyable depending on the time of day and the amount of humidity in the air. It's nice to work out in the yard when you want to work out in the yard.
In a neighborhood where yards border one another and share grass for the most part, when one neighbor mows their yard, the other neighbors must follow suit. On our street, most of the neighbors mow their yard in a two day period.
We rarely mow our yard in the two days that are allotted to us by the unwritten rules of neighborhood living. Thus, our yard is left looking unruly and rambunctious compared to the other yards. Our grass shoots up a few inches over all the other grass. In short, our grass is ragamuffin grass.
However, I have come to the conclusion that our grass is not ragamuffin grass. It's perfectly normal grass. We've just moved into a neighborhood of freakin' overachievers. I wonder if all neighborhoods are like this. Full of overachievers who take pleasure in a well-manicured lawn so that they may spend the rest of their time discussing the wild yard at the end of the block.
Gosh darn overachievers. They freakin' ruin it for everyone.
Thursday, June 12
Stupider by the Second
I just had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing the Pussycat Dolls perform on tonight's episode of So You Think You Can Dance. And let me tell you, I can describe the performance in one word.
Abomination.
I lost IQ points by watching less than 30 seconds of their performance, if you can even call it a performance. I seriously could not work the remote. It was like I had never seen a remote before in my life. That is how detrimental the Pussycat Dolls are to brain cells. I had to watch end credits for some PBS show to restore my shriveling and dying brain cells.
Because of this recent experience, I have decided that if you watch the Pussycat Dolls, you do not value your brain cells.
Abomination.
I lost IQ points by watching less than 30 seconds of their performance, if you can even call it a performance. I seriously could not work the remote. It was like I had never seen a remote before in my life. That is how detrimental the Pussycat Dolls are to brain cells. I had to watch end credits for some PBS show to restore my shriveling and dying brain cells.
Because of this recent experience, I have decided that if you watch the Pussycat Dolls, you do not value your brain cells.
Friday, April 25
Be Healed!
My best friend has shown me these people that heal people in the name of the Lord. These people are televangelists of some sort and they call out diseases and ailments that are affecting someone somewhere. Once the person says it, the afflicted will be healed if they (the afflicted) "claim" the healing. I don't know the whole story behind it or what is exactly going on, but I just watched it on TBN.
This older male individual sat on a couch and called out all kinds of things: migraines, cancer, arthritis, osteoporosis, etc. He knew that someone out there needed healing and by his calling out the ailment in the name of the Lord, the Lord will heal the ailing person.
You know, I can't even write anything about what I saw because I am completely disturbed by it. So disturbed that I can't even form coherent thoughts on the subject.
They need to stop what they're doing because it isn't right. They are taking advantage of people that are looking for leadership and guidance. Any number of people could be afflicted with the diseases and ailments he rattles off in an out of control manner, like he's having an epileptic fit or something. People are out there in the world, believing that they are now healed because this one person pointed out his or her illness to the Lord and brought it to God's attention. More often than not, this will lead to disappointment on the part of the sick individual because they will feel as though God has not helped them nor healed them. It's just wrong.
It's just wrong.
This older male individual sat on a couch and called out all kinds of things: migraines, cancer, arthritis, osteoporosis, etc. He knew that someone out there needed healing and by his calling out the ailment in the name of the Lord, the Lord will heal the ailing person.
You know, I can't even write anything about what I saw because I am completely disturbed by it. So disturbed that I can't even form coherent thoughts on the subject.
They need to stop what they're doing because it isn't right. They are taking advantage of people that are looking for leadership and guidance. Any number of people could be afflicted with the diseases and ailments he rattles off in an out of control manner, like he's having an epileptic fit or something. People are out there in the world, believing that they are now healed because this one person pointed out his or her illness to the Lord and brought it to God's attention. More often than not, this will lead to disappointment on the part of the sick individual because they will feel as though God has not helped them nor healed them. It's just wrong.
It's just wrong.
Tuesday, April 8
Why Walk When You Can Skate?
I dislike wheel-bearing shoes. Shoes that enable one to roll about on the ground or floor? They should be kept outside or in a specially designed rink. When I was a kid, we skated outside or at a skating rink. Not inside. When did it become socially acceptable to wear skates indoors for no good reason? Should they be allowed in department stores, malls, or supermarkets? Little skinny no.
These shoes (I've been told that they are actually called "Heelys") are an absolute menace to society. They are dangerous. Just from personal experience, I've nearly been run over about ten different times because of these demon shoes. They deserve some sort of alarm system in order to warn unsuspecting individuals that a small body is rocketing towards them at an unnecessary speed.
And really--why do children need to be on skates at all times? How often is it imperative for a child to move so quickly that walking and running would be too slow?
I understand that the shoes enable kids to be "cool" and such, much like those light-up shoes from my youth. 99% of the children I have encountered with the wheel shoes run into people willy-nilly and keep on going without so much as shouting out a "I'm-sorry-I-knocked-you-down-with-my-wheels-of-death-and-
overall-rudeness!"
When they're used in the right areas, they're fine. However, when they're worn in a crowded public area, they are ridiculous and often injurious to innocent bystanders.
These shoes (I've been told that they are actually called "Heelys") are an absolute menace to society. They are dangerous. Just from personal experience, I've nearly been run over about ten different times because of these demon shoes. They deserve some sort of alarm system in order to warn unsuspecting individuals that a small body is rocketing towards them at an unnecessary speed.
And really--why do children need to be on skates at all times? How often is it imperative for a child to move so quickly that walking and running would be too slow?
I understand that the shoes enable kids to be "cool" and such, much like those light-up shoes from my youth. 99% of the children I have encountered with the wheel shoes run into people willy-nilly and keep on going without so much as shouting out a "I'm-sorry-I-knocked-you-down-with-my-wheels-of-death-and-
overall-rudeness!"
When they're used in the right areas, they're fine. However, when they're worn in a crowded public area, they are ridiculous and often injurious to innocent bystanders.
Saturday, December 8
Bah Humbug!
While I thoroughly enjoy the Christmas season, I do not enjoy the waiting-around-for-hours-upon-end in traffic. Although, truthfully, I have never waited for hours in traffic for anything that I remember. Except for Fourth of July festivities in the Dallas area earlier this year. That was a lot of waiting.
Anyhow, it irritates me to move along at a snail's pace in a vehicle that is meant to get me from one place to another in a timely manner. I could walk or bike faster to my destination during the holiday season. It's truly ridiculous.
You know what else is ridiculous? Thoughts that I will save for another day.
Anyhow, it irritates me to move along at a snail's pace in a vehicle that is meant to get me from one place to another in a timely manner. I could walk or bike faster to my destination during the holiday season. It's truly ridiculous.
You know what else is ridiculous? Thoughts that I will save for another day.
Sunday, August 26
Robert Goulet and How to Be A Rockstar
Why, of all people, does Robert Goulet appear to wreak havoc in the office? I've seen the Emerald Nuts commercials several times and, while I understand that the afternoon sleepies often attack at work and that snacking on something rich in protein like Emerald Nuts, one can counteract the aftenoon weariness.
But Robert Goulet??
I don't know. I guess I'd much rather see William Shatner or something. Someone less obscure than Robert Goulet, whom I'd never even know about had it not been for Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place. If someone's going to come into my office and tear things up, I want to know who it is.
* * *
No, Nickleback, we don't all want to be rockstars. I'd like to be famous (I think), but I have no desire to drive fifteen cars or have a drug dealer on speed dial. Nor would I enjoy a bathroom that I could play football in or a huge tub that would fit ten plus me. Can you imagine cleaning that tub? Or the entire bathroom? I mean, I suppose, if you're a rockstar, you can hire someone to clean for you, but still.
I don't know if they're being sarcastic, but I really find the song annoying. I mean, the singer is so determined to be a rockstar that he'll even get a haircut and a name change. Well, whoop-dee-frickin'-do. What a transformation! The two most important ingredients in gaining fame and fortune are getting a haircut and changing your name. I mean, seriously, is that all it takes? No talent? No integrity? No self-respect?
Oh, wait. I'd forgotten for a moment what time period I live in. Of course, that's all it takes! Silly me for thinking people should be rewarded for their actual talents and merits, not their ability to change their appearance on a whim.
But Robert Goulet??
I don't know. I guess I'd much rather see William Shatner or something. Someone less obscure than Robert Goulet, whom I'd never even know about had it not been for Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place. If someone's going to come into my office and tear things up, I want to know who it is.
* * *
No, Nickleback, we don't all want to be rockstars. I'd like to be famous (I think), but I have no desire to drive fifteen cars or have a drug dealer on speed dial. Nor would I enjoy a bathroom that I could play football in or a huge tub that would fit ten plus me. Can you imagine cleaning that tub? Or the entire bathroom? I mean, I suppose, if you're a rockstar, you can hire someone to clean for you, but still.
I don't know if they're being sarcastic, but I really find the song annoying. I mean, the singer is so determined to be a rockstar that he'll even get a haircut and a name change. Well, whoop-dee-frickin'-do. What a transformation! The two most important ingredients in gaining fame and fortune are getting a haircut and changing your name. I mean, seriously, is that all it takes? No talent? No integrity? No self-respect?
Oh, wait. I'd forgotten for a moment what time period I live in. Of course, that's all it takes! Silly me for thinking people should be rewarded for their actual talents and merits, not their ability to change their appearance on a whim.
Saturday, August 18
Riding Along in My Automobile....
... I have time to reflect on things. These are some of the things I reflect on while driving down the highway.
"Now Accepting New Customers....."
This slogan was on a sign outside of a local business. However, I don't understand it. Aren't most successful businesses always accepting new customers? Aren't most businesses in general wanting customers of any kind? It seems to me to be a pretty desperate move by the business.
Cardinal rule of motorcycle riding: Always wear a helmet. You do not look "cool" or "cooler" by forgoing the use of a helmet. You just look stupid. A helmet is used to protect your brain from a serious collision. It makes a lot of sense to wear a helmet while riding a motorcycle, seeing as how you don't have a steel cage to somewhat protect you from injury.
Why build a new building of office space to lease out when there are several empty buildings of office space in town that are not being used? Wouldn't it be a better use of money to invest it in something that would actually be used?
Are turn signals necessary? Blinkers? Because no one uses them. I mean, I try to use my blinkers as much as possible, but most other drivers do not use them. So, wouldn't it be a better use of money to not include them on a vehicle? If no one uses them, what's the point of including them? It's like the appendix. At one time, the appendix had a specific job. Now, it has been rendered useless because it does nothing. It came to not be used by people's digestive tracts and is now a waste of space. The only time it is used is when something gets caught in it and it must be removed. If we didn't have them, we wouldn't have to spend money to have them removed.
Same thing with blinkers/turn signals.
I find it awkward that Jennifer Garner is in the Neutrogena commercials. It's not some place that I'd expect to see her. It's terribly unnerving.
Why the hell is there a thing like brake dust? I was not aware of the existence of brake dust until I purchased my new vehicle. Now, I know what brake dust is and what it does and I am not happy! Like I don't have enough trouble keeping my car looking fabulous without the added dirt and grime of brake dust. Is it necessary for brakes to give off dust? And why didn't anyone tell me about this phenomenon before now??
Does it take a rocket scientist to fix a postage stamp machine? The post office in town has a broken stamp machine. Apparently, it has been broken for months. Why don't they fix it? Is it a monetary issue? Because as a government business, I would think that they would have the money to fix such a problem. Or is it because it takes a certain kind of genius to fix the machine and the last postage stamp machine fixer-upper keeled over in February? (I don't know if there really is such a thing as a postage stamp machine fixer-upper or if there is one that died in February. If there is one and that particular fixer-upper died in February, it is purely a coincidence that I have mentioned it.) I just don't understand what the big deal is. Fix the damn machine!!! Or stay open normal hours so that people can actually purchase stamps. It's not rocket science, people!
Unless it is. And if it is, I apologize for this rant.
Nah. I don't apologize for this rant. I like to rant. And ranting is what I shall do whenever I feel the need.
"Now Accepting New Customers....."
This slogan was on a sign outside of a local business. However, I don't understand it. Aren't most successful businesses always accepting new customers? Aren't most businesses in general wanting customers of any kind? It seems to me to be a pretty desperate move by the business.
Cardinal rule of motorcycle riding: Always wear a helmet. You do not look "cool" or "cooler" by forgoing the use of a helmet. You just look stupid. A helmet is used to protect your brain from a serious collision. It makes a lot of sense to wear a helmet while riding a motorcycle, seeing as how you don't have a steel cage to somewhat protect you from injury.
Why build a new building of office space to lease out when there are several empty buildings of office space in town that are not being used? Wouldn't it be a better use of money to invest it in something that would actually be used?
Are turn signals necessary? Blinkers? Because no one uses them. I mean, I try to use my blinkers as much as possible, but most other drivers do not use them. So, wouldn't it be a better use of money to not include them on a vehicle? If no one uses them, what's the point of including them? It's like the appendix. At one time, the appendix had a specific job. Now, it has been rendered useless because it does nothing. It came to not be used by people's digestive tracts and is now a waste of space. The only time it is used is when something gets caught in it and it must be removed. If we didn't have them, we wouldn't have to spend money to have them removed.
Same thing with blinkers/turn signals.
I find it awkward that Jennifer Garner is in the Neutrogena commercials. It's not some place that I'd expect to see her. It's terribly unnerving.
Why the hell is there a thing like brake dust? I was not aware of the existence of brake dust until I purchased my new vehicle. Now, I know what brake dust is and what it does and I am not happy! Like I don't have enough trouble keeping my car looking fabulous without the added dirt and grime of brake dust. Is it necessary for brakes to give off dust? And why didn't anyone tell me about this phenomenon before now??
Does it take a rocket scientist to fix a postage stamp machine? The post office in town has a broken stamp machine. Apparently, it has been broken for months. Why don't they fix it? Is it a monetary issue? Because as a government business, I would think that they would have the money to fix such a problem. Or is it because it takes a certain kind of genius to fix the machine and the last postage stamp machine fixer-upper keeled over in February? (I don't know if there really is such a thing as a postage stamp machine fixer-upper or if there is one that died in February. If there is one and that particular fixer-upper died in February, it is purely a coincidence that I have mentioned it.) I just don't understand what the big deal is. Fix the damn machine!!! Or stay open normal hours so that people can actually purchase stamps. It's not rocket science, people!
Unless it is. And if it is, I apologize for this rant.
Nah. I don't apologize for this rant. I like to rant. And ranting is what I shall do whenever I feel the need.
Tuesday, June 19
Oh, Rooney....
I just don't think I can be your friend any more. And by friend, I mean adoring fan who still owns the three Rooney shirts she bought at three different concerts even though she no longer wears them because they're tattered and torn. The same friend who acquired Robert's guitar pick after a show and obtained the autographs of all five band members.
This friend is unhappy for several reasons. One reason is the fact that your second album has been postponed-delayed-postponed about a million times. But that offense can be forgiven. What cannot be forgiven is this reason:
You're touring with Fergie.
Are you aware of this fact? You're headlining for Fergie, a character who insists upon spelling words throughout her songs and relies on her "humps" to attract male suitors. She's brainwashing America's youth and making them into mindless followers of the Britney Spears-Paris Hilton persuasion.
She just seems so unlike you.
I don't know. Perhaps I don't know you as well as I think I know you. It's just disappointing, that's all. I don't understand it. I'm sure touring with her will get you more popularity. But is popularity necessary? I'm sure it is nice for people to buy your albums and go to your shows so that you have money and can live a life of relative leisure. But what about, oh, I don't know.... integrity? Don't you want to be remembered for who you are, not for riding on the coattails of another to achieve fame?
Anyhow, enjoy your tour. I wish that I could see you this time around as it has been many years since I've seen you perform live (almost four years!). Sadly, the only time you were coming near my area was with Fergie and I can't justify spending any amount of money that goes to her.
So, there you go.
This friend is unhappy for several reasons. One reason is the fact that your second album has been postponed-delayed-postponed about a million times. But that offense can be forgiven. What cannot be forgiven is this reason:
You're touring with Fergie.
Are you aware of this fact? You're headlining for Fergie, a character who insists upon spelling words throughout her songs and relies on her "humps" to attract male suitors. She's brainwashing America's youth and making them into mindless followers of the Britney Spears-Paris Hilton persuasion.
She just seems so unlike you.
I don't know. Perhaps I don't know you as well as I think I know you. It's just disappointing, that's all. I don't understand it. I'm sure touring with her will get you more popularity. But is popularity necessary? I'm sure it is nice for people to buy your albums and go to your shows so that you have money and can live a life of relative leisure. But what about, oh, I don't know.... integrity? Don't you want to be remembered for who you are, not for riding on the coattails of another to achieve fame?
Anyhow, enjoy your tour. I wish that I could see you this time around as it has been many years since I've seen you perform live (almost four years!). Sadly, the only time you were coming near my area was with Fergie and I can't justify spending any amount of money that goes to her.
So, there you go.
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