Why can't McDonald's serve their entire menu all day? Why am I forced to eat something "breakfast"-y when I go there after work each morning? My day ends in the morning. In the morning, when my day ends, I would like to celebrate with a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, not a Chicken Bacon Egg McThingy.
* * *
A guy comes up to me at the Casino. "I've never seen you before," he says.
Well, you've got to be kidding me. There's only six billion people in the world, and you haven't once seen me??
Horrible.
* * *
It's impossible for me to smile.
Sorry if that sounds crazy, but it's true.
A lady at work comes in to get her tips. "Don't you ever smile? I come back here every day, and I have never seen a smile on your face."
Of course, I smile. The only difference is my smile is invisible. It's a secret smile.
Smiling is over-rated. Just so you know.
And if someone asks me again why I don't smile, I'm going to go crazy. Do I go around asking you why you smile all the time? Or why you look like a crazy person because you are smiling all the time?
* * *
Kids in Idaho are getting killed by playing "The Choking Game." Apparently, kids cut off the blood supply to their brains by choking one another.
They do this for fun.
I think there's something wrong with these kiddos. And if they're going to be that stupid and play a "game" like that, I think they should die.
Think about it. We've got enough stupid people in the world as it is. If these stupid people kill each other off, we won't have to worry about the next generation having as many stupid people.
It makes sense. Sounds morbid, but it does make sense.
* * *
Holy Mackeral.
A five dollar bill came into my possession at the Casino last night. One of its previous owners had drawn all over Abraham Lincoln's face. They also left the comment, You're a n------ lover and that's why you died.
First of all, Abraham Lincoln has been deceased for many years. So, I think the proper grammar would have been you were, not you're.
Second, who says stuff like that? I don't care if you are holding a grudge against a man who died some 140 years earlier. If you don't have something intelligent to share with the world, Bubba, I'd appreciate it if you kept your redneck mouth shut.
Abraham Lincoln was a great man. He had his flaws, but I don't believe the one left on the five dollar bill was one of them.
* * *
I have the Black Lung.
Inhaling copier toner dust for two weeks will do that to you. Blackness fills my lungs.
I feel like Derek Zoolander did when he worked one day in the mines with his father and brother.
Anyway.
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