That Junk In Your Badonkadonk

The country radio airwaves are being bombarded with a little song known as Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk. For whatever reason, a fellow by the name of Trace Adkins decided that he should write up this little ditty and sing it to the world.

Thanks, Trace. You're a real pal.

This song is so horrible. Why is this song so horrible? Let me count the ways....

1. It's called Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk!! Badonkadonk is not a word. I realize that it is often used in Rap and Hip/Hop music, but that does not make it a word. I'm tired of all these new songs with titles of nonsense! What is this? Alice in freakin' Wonderland??

That honkey tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong

2. Got it goin' on / Like Donkey Kong??? Excuse me, but what the hell? When did Donkey Kong ever have it going on? I mean, really? I was never all that thrilled with Donkey Kong. I don't think Donkey Kong has anything going on. You don't see his face plastered all over tabloids. You don't know every move he's making in the world. You don't know the last 25 things he's eaten this year.

Is he saying that her ass is as large as a gorilla's? Because if that's the case, someone needs to slap him. If someone came up to me and told me I had the ass of a cartoon gorilla, I think I'd be offended. No, I would totally be insulted. And then, I would dropkick that someone into the next millenia.

And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma

3. Slap your grandma?? Excuse me, but what the hell (again)? There's no reason to be slapping anyone's grandma. Just because you saw some gorilla-sized ass on some girl does not give you the right to go around slapping little old ladies. That's just rude and unnecessary. I don't even understand why he had to include that line in the song.

I don't understand why stupid songs have to be played repeatedly on the radio. Or why there's a commercial after every single song. It's ridiculous. Ludicrous. Absolutely horrendous.

I need a freakin' satellite radio. Oh, Santa... ? ?