Susie Got Ran Over By A Big Deer....

The tragic day has finally come to pass.

I was in a car that was run over by a deer.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're probably saying to yourself, "Oh, this loser hit a deer. Wah wah wah, move on with your life already."

And you'd be right. IF I had hit the deer.

But I didn't. The vehicle I was riding in was stopped. And the deer of gigantic proportions bounded out of nowhere and ran smack into us. And a small, not-moving vehicle named Susie was horrifically scarred for life on Saturday night.

Darn deer left a nasty indention and cracked Susie's glasses. And then, he ran off without so much as a "Hey, I'm sorry I just galloped into you for no apparent reason!" Or a "I'm sorry you'll have to get reconstructive surgery because I was bounding home intoxicated."

It was very rude. And unnecessary.

And I'm sure this deer is out there in the forest somewhere, telling all his deer friends how some car came out of the wild blue yonder and nearly knocked him over. They're probably calculating their next move, strategizing some plan of vigilante forest justice.

Well, listen here, Mr. Deer & Co., there will be none of that business. You should be thankful that Susie wasn't armed that night. You should be thankful that you're not mounted on someone's wall. You should be thankful that you're not jerky.

So there.