Dear Frank

You are a damn liar.

You specifically told me that if I sprayed this stuff on my pretty new shoes, the spray would adhere to my shoes and repel water. I even watched a demonstration where you sprayed your tie and dripped water on to it. And the water just rolled right off like magic!

Well, it doesn't work like that. Today, it is raining. I am wearing my new shoes with their meshness because all the sneakers have the meshness these days (don't ask me why!). I sprayed the miracle spray on the meshness of my shoes. And I didn't just spray a little. I sprayed these bad boys like CRAZY. You can ask Nat.

Anyhow, what happens as I'm walking to Brit Lit? A big, fat raindrop of monstrous proportions fell from the sky and plopped onto the meshness of my sneaker! And can you tell me what happened next, Frank? Can you?

That stupid raindrop permeated my sneaker and soaked my sock! Soggy socks is one of the most hideous things in all the world! I despise soggy socks. Soggy socks should be outlawed.

But I thought I'd be safe from soggy socks. However, I was thoroughly mistaken because YOU, Frank, are gigantic liar. I should have known better than to buy anything from you. You told me you were a fan of noodling, for crying out loud! Noodling is not a sport! It's nonsense. You are nonsense. I despise you and your noodling nonsense.

I hope something comes along and ruins your tie.