American Idol: A Serious Problem

So, I'm glad Taylor won American Idol. I certainly didn't want Katharine McPhee winning it. I still wish Elliott Yamin would have won. He deserved it. I'm quite proud of that kiddo. Go Elliott!!

Although... Taylor and his random screaming of "Soul Patrol" was really beginning to get on my last nerve.

Anyhow, this concludes my first and last season of American Idol. I will not be watching it again. I have several reasons for not watching it in the future. First, it interferes with other shows and I will not have access to a DVR. Second, I would like to have control of my life instead of spending hours voting each week. I do have things I need to do, you know. Third, it really angers me that more people vote for American Idol than for the president of their freakin' country! That's ridiculous. And fourth, I've decided that the show is rigged. So, there you go.

But let's dart back to reason three, shall we? How can we increase voter turn-out for important elections? You know, the kind of elections where we choose someone to run our national and state governments? The kind of elections that have more of an impact on our lives than American Idol, or at least should have more of an impact. For whatever reason, the important elections are often overshadowed by the election of a new American Idol.

Should we start offering phone voting for official elections? Would that increase voter turn-out? Should we make the presidential race into a reality television series? Perhaps that would increase voter turn-out as well.

I mean, this is a serious problem!

An Amended Order to Cease and Desist

This is an addition the original Order to Cease and Desist created a few months ago.

1. Tom Cruise - Dude, you have got to stop. Like, absolutely stop everything you're doing. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Just stop. Stop jumping on couches. Stop changing people's names. Stop shoving Scientology in people's faces. Stop trying to take over the freakin' world. Just stop. Do not make any more movies or public appearances. S. T. O. P. Please, go shack up with your religion under the nearest rock and stay there.


2. JJ Abrams - Oh, dear JJ, I used to love and adore you so much. And then, you failed me. Stop creating new television shows willy-nilly. Stop using your television shows to influence major motion pictures, like Mission Impossible: 3, or your other television shows, like Lost. While I have not personally viewed MI:3, which is something I never plan to do, as it stars the aforementioned Tom Cruise, I have heard< from several individuals that it is one huge Alias fest. Now, while I love Alias, Mission Impossible is its own franchise. Just because you're the director does not mean you can add 47s, Rambaldi-related information, and other Alias influences into the film. Was Alias apart of the original Mission Impossible back in the day? No. It wasn't. And what is with the influence of Alias on Lost? I mean, hello!?! These people are lost on a freakin' island. They're not spies nor do they know a thing about being spy-like. Dude, just come up with some original ideas. Stop rehashing the same ideas in different mediums.


3. Simon Cowell - Okay, I usually support your opinions in regards to the American Idol competition. But lately? You're freakin' rude. I understand you're British and that the British are sometimes perceived as rude. But Peter, Paul, and Mary! Was there a reason to put down Elliott Yamin like that this evening? You completely patronized the poor guy! And he certainly doesn't need your patronizing, condescending attitude. I can even begin to describe how badly you need to stop what you're doing.

Again, I reserve the right to add to this list at any time.

A Noose? Why, Yes, Please! Part II

When we left our darling misfits and their rescuer, they were taking the scenic route through the Memphis ghetto. Not just your average ghetto, mind you-- apparently, it is the ghetto of the ghetto.

After rumbling through the ghetto, the gang returned to the rescuer's apartment. Soaked, sleepy, and stinky, they exit the vehicle to the rescuer's cry of, "Do you still have my key??"

The Knight-In-Sneakers-and-Shorts had left his apartment key for his sister. But, instead of his sister finding it, the cats set up an impromptu game of hockey and used the key for a puck!

And so, the soaked, sleepy, and stinky children were locked out of their rescuer's apartment.

Noose? Anyone?

After their harrowing day, the children were finally able to leave the Memphis area at 6pm, five hours later than they'd planned. Their truck was outfitted with a new fuel pump and a serpentine belt. They lived happily ever after in their slightly less soaked, sleepy, and stinky existence.

The End.

A Noose? Why, Yes, Please!!

So, some kids wake up one morning and decide to return home after a fairly impromptu roadtrip to Memphis. The day starts out okay. It started off with a wee bit of truck trouble and some Chick-Fil-A. These kids jump on 240 West and head in the direction of home. The sky ahead was a very black and ominously eerie, but the three cool cats kept on truckin'.

Until.....

the truck loses power. Loses POWER! The shocked kiddos coast to the side of the highway and commence the hysterics. Well, not really. The kids stayed pretty calm at first, especially seeing how two of the three went through the same exact symptoms with a familiar red truck not four days earlier. And the little red truck had to be pushed off the road.

But anyway. Back to the truck at hand.

The kids call for back-up. The rain begins to fall. And as it turns out, back-up would not be found easily. The hysterics ensue for two of the kids. Now, keep in mind, these two kids have had a rough couple of days. So, after a few minutes, when back-up has been assured and officially called, the kids await for their Knight-In-Sneakers-And-Shorts.

Help arrives in his chariot. Unfortunately, the chariot encounters a flat tire just as the Knight arrives. The rain continues to fall in very hard, very loud sheets of madness. The kids jump out to meet their rescuer and watch as the tire is changed with a spare. In the freakin' rain.

Again, the issue of the rain must be pointed out for all to recognize and take note of.

Then, the kids await the arrival of Mr. Tow Truck. He arrives and one of the kids is whisked away inside the tow truck with a very bearded, slightly scary man. The other two kids stand guard as the first kid fills out the necessary paperwork.

Finally, the drenched kids are taken away in the chariot. But instead of being taken to a safe, dry place, the kids are treated to a view of some ghetto named after a color of sorts.

Will the kids survive the colorful ghetto?? Will they even make it home?? And will the two kids who are down-on-their-luck with vehicles ever drive again?!

Tune in for the next installment of A Noose? Why, Yes, Please!!

Dead. As A Door Nail.

I just churned out a 10 page paper.

Eight pages of that paper were produced in the last 4 hours. Oh, the joys of being an English major.

My brain seriously mushed beyond repair. Like, I may need a brain transplant. Seriously.

Now, all I have to do is two French compositions, a chapter in my French notebook, and two finals. Then, I'm officially a senior.

I'm free!!!!!!!!!!