Frightened Beyond Belief

Do not venture into an establishment called Chuck E. Cheese. I am telling you this for the safety of your immune system and your sanity.

Do not enter!

I willingly went into a local Chuck E. Cheese for a cousin's birthday party. It had been 14 years since my last venture into such a place. I have never been more frightened in my life.

I kid you not.

There were all these kids running around, squealing and screaming, placing their sticky, pizza-greased hands all over the place. In the back, there were six birthday parties going on, complete with a band composed of a purple fuzz ball, an overall-clothed dog, a pizza chef, a rodent, and a something-or-other that resembled a large Furby. Accompanying the awful warbling of these scary machines, there were these employees that were leading a gaggle of children in nonsensical dances and other weird games.

It was really just too much.

I was only there for thirty minutes. And believe me, it was thirty minutes too long. I am traumatized beyond belief. I think that I could be mugged and be less frightened.

I wish never to set foot in a Chuck E. Cheese again.