Me Without You

I wrote this poem in February 2004. And while I have thought about it many times over the years, it has become relevant to me again in recent months.

"Me Without You"

Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide
To hide, I can only retreat inside
Inside, I watch myself be strong
Strong, although I know its wrong
Wrong, because I'm not at fault.
At fault, at fault, who is to blame?
It's only salt --
Salt to our invisible wounds.
Wounds that sprung up overnight.
Overnight, they metastasize without the light
The light that shines at morning sun
Sun that never rises in our hearts --
What's done is done.
Done and gone, tick-tock, our time is gone.
Good-bye, good-bye, my weary heart wants rest.
Rest will not come until I pass the test.
The test, it looms in impatient waiting
Waiting for my spine to quit fading.
Fading, fading, fading fast
Fast, it's gone. This cannot last.
Last is final; final is through.
Through, we're through. It's me without you.

Passed!

The defense lasted all of an extremely terrifying eleven minutes, but I somehow managed to come up with the right words. Three minutes after leaving the defense, my phone dinged. An email informed me that I had passed. I replied to the email: "Are you sure you have the right person?"

Fifteen minutes later, I received an email saying that yes, I had indeed passed. So yay.

Another chapter comes to a close in just over two weeks.

Defense!

I have to defend one answer on my comprehensive exam. This means that I passed 2/3 of the exam. This also means that I have to go before three faculty members and make my case about why I answered the way I answered. I'll know in a few days when I will go defend, which will be within the next two weeks.

What I also learned yesterday, apart from my score, is that defenses generally last 30 minutes to an hour. AN HOUR! And that the faculty members will ask me questions and MAY ask questions outside the scope of the original question.

I have too much to do (all due Monday) to start studying for my defense now, so I hope that I have ample time to prepare for the defense before I actually have to defend. I also hope I don't turn into a babbling, puking fool in front of the faculty members.

And I really hope I pass.