For me for you, dawg & other things

Dear Randy Jackson:
I do not enjoy your vocabulary in general (really, how many times can one person call someone else "dawg" in one night?). But your "for me for you" phrase really drives me insane.
Also, your critique of Kris Allen's performance tonight was ridiculous. Were you even listening to the same song? I'm even more disappointed in you because, for the first time all season, I had to agree with Kara. Kara, who looks around for approval for everything she says! I had to agree with her because you, dawg, really screwed the pooch on this one.
And how did you not enjoy Matt's performance? You thought it was pitchy all over the place? What is that? Is your hearing okay? I don't even know what to do with you.
Just stop saying "for me for you" and limit your "dawg"s to five a night. Otherwise, we are not friends.
Oh, who am I kidding? We were never friends. Simon's my favorite judge by far.

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Dear Lil Rounds:
Stop singing songs that make you sound sucky. Blech. How have you made it this far?

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Dear Burger King:
What is the deal with the new commercial featuring the Burger King King and Spongebob Squarepants? Take that crap off television. I'll give you three reasons:
1. The Burger King King is creepy. He does not make want a Whopper, Jr. meal. In fact, when I see him on the television, I try to stay away from Burger King for a few weeks.
2. Spongebob Squarepants may get little kids all excited, and a I realize that the commercial is geared towards kiddos, but it does not necessarily make their parents more inclined to go to the nearest BK for a meal. If I had kids, I would not be taking them to Burger King for the simple fact that BK has paired the BK King and Spongebob Squarepants, two of the most ridiculous characters in the history of ridiculous characters.
3. It's the freakin' Burger King King. Some grown-up personage in a polyester suit and a plastic face. Plastic faces often belong in horror films. You know why? Because they are creepy!!

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Dear Universe:
Slow down with the time speedage. I need more hours in the day to do things that are semi-important and to (most importantly!) sleep.

Thank you.