The Great Pepsi Caper

Scene: A local Wal-Mart. Two female young adultlings round the corner by the baby things, headed to the soft drink area at the back of the establishment. It is immediately clear that something is terribly, horribly, undeniably wrong. The aisle that contains Pepsi products is hauntingly devoid of regular Pepsi. Three deep empty shelves clearly show a definite lack in caffeinated goodness. The end cap that normally houses a plethora of two liters of Pepsi products is nearly empty as well. All that remains are three measly bottles on the very top shelf. These bottles are so far back from the front of the shelf that only a person with a stature and wing-span much like Steven Hill could easily reach the remaining bottles.

The girls pull their half-full cart to the end cap. Another shopper lets them know that their eyes are not deceiving them. There are, in fact, only three bottles of Pepsi in the entire soda area. This shopper tried to reach those bottles, but failed in that endeavor and gave up on the Pepsi altogether.

Our heroines declare that giving up is not an option. Female T orders Female N to hold the cart steady. T unsteadily plants one leg inside the cart and uses the end cap to pull her other leg inside the cart. She lifts the price placard and places it behind her head, giving her better access to the Pepsi. Success comes easily with the first bottle; however, the other two bottles remain out of reach now matter how she twists and turns and stretches. T and N take stock of their surroundings and N procures a household cleaning brush from the cart.

N: Use this!

With the extension of the brush, T is able to knock down both bottles and pull the to safety with her hands. After handing the loot to N, she climbs down and out of the cart. A five minute ordeal has allowed N and T to lay claim to three bottles of Pepsi.

Feeding off the adrenaline rush from the great rescue, the heroines finish their shopping expedition and head home, where they enjoy a nice, icy cold serving of Pepsi.

The end.

On the Road Again!

On a recent road trip, the driver and I decide to search for a vehicle tag from every state. Although it would have been ideal to gather all 50 states, it was not feasible on a road trip that only spanned two states. Also, it'd be a freakin' miracle to get a view of an Alaskan or Hawaiian tag. In any case, here are our findings:

Alabama
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Nebraska
Nevada
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Virginia
Wisconsin

A total of 37 states! Plus, as a bonus, we saw two tags from Canada: Ontario and Quebec! Neato!

Day 7 as a Babysitter

As you may already know, I am at war with the Sun. He burned me quite horribly yesterday and I am a pinker, redder, more painful version of my former self.

This morning, I was showing my young charge my terribly red shins. She looked at the burned fronts of my legs and then, looked up at me.

Can you guess what she did next??

She kicked me. She threw her tiny foot into my reddened shins with about as much force as she could muster.

I think she did it on purpose. I'm almost positive.

Oh, Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun....

Today, I spent three hours in the pool. Three hours is a lot for a pale, translucent person like myself. I also spent a couple of hours in the pool on Monday as well. My skin is uncomfortable. My skin is irritated. It does not like clothes touching it. My skin is not a happy camper.

Looking at my incredibly pink arms and face, I've come to one conclusion.

I've met my sun quota for the week. The Sun is not to shine itself my way until at least Sunday. I am anti-Sun. The Sun and I are not friends. No me gusta el sol. Je n'aime pas le soleil.

In short, the Sun and I are at war. It will be a constant battle, but I should be successful in my goal of keeping clear of the Sun's rays.

Maybe.

Day 3 as a Babysitter

I've fallen in love with Steve from Blue's Clues.

I don't know if it is because he is one cute kid. Or not kid. Adult-person. Either way, he's quite adorable.

I don't know if it is because he's pretty much the only human I see in a sea of cartoons.

I don't know if it is because his actions and facial expressions on the show have become hilariously funny to me in recent hours.

Perhaps I have lost my mind.

ETA: My uncle believes Steve to be gay. If you are attracted to other male-lings, Steve, please do not tell me. You're my only hope in a crazy mix of SpongeBob, Backyardigans, Oswald, and Miss Spiders.

"Well, let me tell YOU something..."

I was playing a Mortal Kombat tetris game against my cousin. Her little sister watched me play for a while in apparent dissatisfaction. After a few minutes, she sighed dramatically and said "Well, let me tell you something, Baby Sitter, you're bad at this game."

Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, Princess Obvious.

Adventures Thus Far

In my three days of being at school, the following adventures have occurred:

1. Near drowning on the drive and moving in process. See previous post.

2. Near frostbite from walking around campus and town -- it's freakin' freezing, people! Any body part that is not wrapped in clothing (like one's face) quickly becomes cold and red within two seconds of stepping outdoors.

3. Heater in my suite stopped working. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why every major appliance I'm around keeps breaking. It was maybe 20 degrees outside. Thank God for best friends and down comforters!

4. Fire alarm and subsequent evacuation at 2:42 in the morning. Some idiot pulled the fire alarm this morning. I don't know if it was by accident or done as a joke, but it wasn't funny either way. I pull myself out of bed and into the foyer of my suite, where I realize that my baby freshman in the room next to me are not emerging from their room! So, I knock and open the door. Two little faces are staring at me in the dark: "What's going on??" "Can we go back to sleep?" No, you may not go back to sleep. Put your shoes on and grab your coat. We've got to go outside.

Thankfully, they didn't make us go outside. Did I mention it was 20 degrees outside?

5. Switched from one section of a class to another section. My department head comes into my British Literature class this morning, demanding that some of us take the afternoon class. I didn't want to take the afternoon class because I had my classes scheduled together (8-9:20, then 9:30-10:50). I also knew that the other section is set to read Mrs. Dalloway, a book I have no desire to read. I actually tried to read it once two or three years ago. It was not cool. Then, Mr. Department Head announced that if no one would leave voluntarily, he'd look at our schedules and move us all around willy-nilly.

Well, I couldn't have that. So, now I'm taking British Literature from 2:30-3:50. At least I don't have to be up at the crack of dawn in frigid temperatures anymore.

So far, five adventures in under 3 days. That's got to be a record or something.

A Noose? Why, Yes, Please! Part II

When we left our darling misfits and their rescuer, they were taking the scenic route through the Memphis ghetto. Not just your average ghetto, mind you-- apparently, it is the ghetto of the ghetto.

After rumbling through the ghetto, the gang returned to the rescuer's apartment. Soaked, sleepy, and stinky, they exit the vehicle to the rescuer's cry of, "Do you still have my key??"

The Knight-In-Sneakers-and-Shorts had left his apartment key for his sister. But, instead of his sister finding it, the cats set up an impromptu game of hockey and used the key for a puck!

And so, the soaked, sleepy, and stinky children were locked out of their rescuer's apartment.

Noose? Anyone?

After their harrowing day, the children were finally able to leave the Memphis area at 6pm, five hours later than they'd planned. Their truck was outfitted with a new fuel pump and a serpentine belt. They lived happily ever after in their slightly less soaked, sleepy, and stinky existence.

The End.

A Noose? Why, Yes, Please!!

So, some kids wake up one morning and decide to return home after a fairly impromptu roadtrip to Memphis. The day starts out okay. It started off with a wee bit of truck trouble and some Chick-Fil-A. These kids jump on 240 West and head in the direction of home. The sky ahead was a very black and ominously eerie, but the three cool cats kept on truckin'.

Until.....

the truck loses power. Loses POWER! The shocked kiddos coast to the side of the highway and commence the hysterics. Well, not really. The kids stayed pretty calm at first, especially seeing how two of the three went through the same exact symptoms with a familiar red truck not four days earlier. And the little red truck had to be pushed off the road.

But anyway. Back to the truck at hand.

The kids call for back-up. The rain begins to fall. And as it turns out, back-up would not be found easily. The hysterics ensue for two of the kids. Now, keep in mind, these two kids have had a rough couple of days. So, after a few minutes, when back-up has been assured and officially called, the kids await for their Knight-In-Sneakers-And-Shorts.

Help arrives in his chariot. Unfortunately, the chariot encounters a flat tire just as the Knight arrives. The rain continues to fall in very hard, very loud sheets of madness. The kids jump out to meet their rescuer and watch as the tire is changed with a spare. In the freakin' rain.

Again, the issue of the rain must be pointed out for all to recognize and take note of.

Then, the kids await the arrival of Mr. Tow Truck. He arrives and one of the kids is whisked away inside the tow truck with a very bearded, slightly scary man. The other two kids stand guard as the first kid fills out the necessary paperwork.

Finally, the drenched kids are taken away in the chariot. But instead of being taken to a safe, dry place, the kids are treated to a view of some ghetto named after a color of sorts.

Will the kids survive the colorful ghetto?? Will they even make it home?? And will the two kids who are down-on-their-luck with vehicles ever drive again?!

Tune in for the next installment of A Noose? Why, Yes, Please!!