Frightened Beyond Belief

Do not venture into an establishment called Chuck E. Cheese. I am telling you this for the safety of your immune system and your sanity.

Do not enter!

I willingly went into a local Chuck E. Cheese for a cousin's birthday party. It had been 14 years since my last venture into such a place. I have never been more frightened in my life.

I kid you not.

There were all these kids running around, squealing and screaming, placing their sticky, pizza-greased hands all over the place. In the back, there were six birthday parties going on, complete with a band composed of a purple fuzz ball, an overall-clothed dog, a pizza chef, a rodent, and a something-or-other that resembled a large Furby. Accompanying the awful warbling of these scary machines, there were these employees that were leading a gaggle of children in nonsensical dances and other weird games.

It was really just too much.

I was only there for thirty minutes. And believe me, it was thirty minutes too long. I am traumatized beyond belief. I think that I could be mugged and be less frightened.

I wish never to set foot in a Chuck E. Cheese again.

The Black Lung, Or Something Like It

I woke up this morning with the Black Lung. Though I have never been in the mining industry, or any industry for that matter, I have lung that's as black as night.

Okay, so maybe it's not the Black Lung. It's just Normal Lung with congestion. So sue me. I'm all cough-y, cough-y, which is unnecessary and embarrassing. I do not enjoy disrupting the surrounding environment because my lung feels the need to come out my mouth.

Ever wonder how far you'd go to keep someone you love out of harm's way? Would you stab someone to cover up a murder that your child committed, hoping that the stab wound would make others disregard some of the evidence?

Think about that for a while. And stay out of coal mines.